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This is what happens when you do nothing, you idiot
First time, scared, nervous
Then, I turn and it's hard not to smile.
Like a star-dotted sky lit up with fireworks
Pretty and warm
The smile spreads wider
It's a bit easier than I thought,
Talk flows easily, smooth, fun.
Laughter ensues and more words exchange,
Questions pop up, stories told.
Still, I'm nervous, heart pounding like a bass drum.
I want to reach out, to touch, to hold, to feel the warmth as I talk
But do I hold enough knowledge?
Am I close enough?
Do I have a right?
So I freeze, near mute and fearful
I do nothing but stare
Then look away when I'm caught
It continues like that. And the night ends
Afterwards, I'm scared again
I'm asked, "Was it good? How was it?"
I tell the story again and they all think I should've done more
The fear grows, and my heart drops, a lead weight.
I should've held your hand.