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Pessimistic Optimist

You say I’m brave for starting over,
But maybe I’m a coward for running away.
It smells like rain outside.
I wonder if you smell the smoke.

I left you, but you left me.
Retaliation is never the key.
But it makes me feel whole.
Like somehow you got what you deserve.

I’m an optimist, but even we fall off the wagon.
Sometimes it feels good to writhe in sadness.
It’s a heavy blanket,
Suffocating but comforting.

One day I’m this,
Then the next minute I’m that.
Until I can feel my atoms combusting,
Until I disappear,
I will always be unsure





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