Rain Dancers

August 26, 2012
By EPluribusUnum DIAMOND, Woodbine, Maryland
EPluribusUnum DIAMOND, Woodbine, Maryland
59 articles 24 photos 280 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head)."
-Sylvia Plath


Rain laced with lightning
Leaps between trees,
Twirling to the ground
Where it dances beside puddles
And overflowing streams.
Thunder keeps a beat
For the cheerful dancers,
Rain drops breaking into couples
For a lively waltz,
Their misty skirts swish over the
Slick forest floor,
Crystal leaves reflecting
The silver-gray sky.
Ever thrilled to join the party,
Wind offers up it's own music,
Vibrating branches
Like the strings of a violin,
Slowing until only
A few sparse droplets are left
To wander off the dance floor.


The author's comments:
This is an edited version of a poem I submitted a while back.

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This article has 17 comments.


on Mar. 20 2013 at 9:11 pm
EPluribusUnum DIAMOND, Woodbine, Maryland
59 articles 24 photos 280 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head)."
-Sylvia Plath

Thank you so much! You have no idea how much that means to me! :DDD

on Mar. 19 2013 at 10:52 pm
SecretFlame PLATINUM, Portland, Oregon
20 articles 1 photo 375 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I have a life. I just choose to ignore it."
-one of my friends

This is absolutely fantastic! The imagery throughout the poem is captivating.The excitement and action rises and falls throughout the poem just like a story. I especially love the last two lines :) Your word choice is amazing, you have a gift :) This is one of the pieces where it could be about anything and you'd still read it because of how elegantly written it was. You made rainfalling beautiful and exciting with your descriptions. The picture you painted with your words was extraordinary. I look forward to more of your pieces. :)   Usually I try and offer some constructive criticism but I really couldn't find anything to criticize. :) Keep up the great work!

on Mar. 18 2013 at 8:20 pm
EPluribusUnum DIAMOND, Woodbine, Maryland
59 articles 24 photos 280 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head)."
-Sylvia Plath

Thank you! I really appreciate your feedback! :D

Mckay ELITE said...
on Mar. 18 2013 at 2:13 pm
Mckay ELITE, Somewhere, Virginia
146 articles 0 photos 2260 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do."
—Apple’s “Think Different” commercial, 1997
“Crazy people are considered mad by the rest of the society only because their intelligence isn't understood.”
― Weihui Zhou

The personification is at its best here. Similes, meetaphors, imagery—you've instilled this poem with all of these qualities. Beautiful, especially the waltzing part.

on Feb. 14 2013 at 6:46 am
SaphiraBrightscales DIAMOND, Islamabad, Other
75 articles 16 photos 1143 comments

Favorite Quote:
I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
- Maya Angelou
When i was little/I used to point a chubby finger toward the dark sky/And ask my father/why some stars moved and others didn’t/He would laugh and explain that some were airplanes/I still wish on them today ~ Laugh-It-Out
The feathers of a crow are black/The ink of my pen is blacker/The pain of my heart is blackest~ Mckay
If love produced a blossom/I’d take it in my palm/What a blessing, the bright color!/How soothing, such a balm!/I’d keep a petal for my own/The rest, drop from my hands/For such a flower would multiply/And populate the lands~ thesilentraven
And I began to rival legends/Long entombed before my birth./But for all my much envied fame/The lust for more would not abate./The plaques and prizes with my name/Will, like all things, disintegrate. ~ TheEpic95 now known as Helena_Noel

You're Welcome!

on Feb. 13 2013 at 2:55 pm
EPluribusUnum DIAMOND, Woodbine, Maryland
59 articles 24 photos 280 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head)."
-Sylvia Plath

Thank you! :D

on Feb. 13 2013 at 2:54 pm
EPluribusUnum DIAMOND, Woodbine, Maryland
59 articles 24 photos 280 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head)."
-Sylvia Plath

Thanks!         

on Feb. 13 2013 at 2:54 pm
EPluribusUnum DIAMOND, Woodbine, Maryland
59 articles 24 photos 280 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head)."
-Sylvia Plath

Thanks! :) Dancing is beautiful, and rain always puts me in a dancy mood.

on Feb. 13 2013 at 1:48 pm
SaphiraBrightscales DIAMOND, Islamabad, Other
75 articles 16 photos 1143 comments

Favorite Quote:
I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
- Maya Angelou
When i was little/I used to point a chubby finger toward the dark sky/And ask my father/why some stars moved and others didn’t/He would laugh and explain that some were airplanes/I still wish on them today ~ Laugh-It-Out
The feathers of a crow are black/The ink of my pen is blacker/The pain of my heart is blackest~ Mckay
If love produced a blossom/I’d take it in my palm/What a blessing, the bright color!/How soothing, such a balm!/I’d keep a petal for my own/The rest, drop from my hands/For such a flower would multiply/And populate the lands~ thesilentraven
And I began to rival legends/Long entombed before my birth./But for all my much envied fame/The lust for more would not abate./The plaques and prizes with my name/Will, like all things, disintegrate. ~ TheEpic95 now known as Helena_Noel

All the adjectives and metaphors are reallt a job well done. It paints a beautiful picture, rain is described ever so beautifully...

on Feb. 12 2013 at 5:09 pm
SteelersJdog GOLD, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
15 articles 0 photos 29 comments
Wow, you literally painted a picture in my head. The imagery is fantastic! You have a gift for combining words to create a mood. Very nice job, 5/5

3dancer SILVER said...
on Jan. 10 2013 at 2:54 pm
3dancer SILVER, Windsor, Colorado
7 articles 0 photos 32 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Imagination will often carry us to worlds that we never were. But without it we go nowhere!"

I love how you described the rain to dancers! I'm a dancer so I really liked this poem. The imagery is excellent! :)

on Dec. 17 2012 at 3:41 pm
EPluribusUnum DIAMOND, Woodbine, Maryland
59 articles 24 photos 280 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head)."
-Sylvia Plath

Aww thanks :3

on Dec. 15 2012 at 7:23 am
Anna141 PLATINUM, Yarmouth, Maine
23 articles 0 photos 29 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain."

Auth

I really like this poem, I like the way you tell a story so well about the rain drops. You are very good at personification, keep writing!

on Dec. 10 2012 at 2:55 pm
EPluribusUnum DIAMOND, Woodbine, Maryland
59 articles 24 photos 280 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head)."
-Sylvia Plath

Thank you. :)

on Dec. 8 2012 at 1:42 pm
KnitsandPurls GOLD, Mahtomedi, Minnesota
13 articles 0 photos 83 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I cannot live without books"
--Thomas Jefferson

There are a million poems about rain out there, but none quite like this. Like jetta.bug said, it is full of metaphors AND YET one never forgets what the topic of the poem truly is. On a constructive note, some more punctuation would improve the poem overall. I don't have anything else.  This poem was a joy to read.  

on Dec. 1 2012 at 2:19 pm
EPluribusUnum DIAMOND, Woodbine, Maryland
59 articles 24 photos 280 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head)."
-Sylvia Plath

Thank you! That means so much to me! :D

on Nov. 30 2012 at 6:33 pm
TaylorWintry DIAMOND, Carrollton, Texas
72 articles 0 photos 860 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Never fear shadows. They simply mean there's a light shining somewhere nearby." - Unknown

Wonderfully constructed! This is so beautiful. It's got a TON of metaphors and is just so well-thought out. Fantastic. I'm surprised this isn't in the magazine by now.


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