In His Absence

i used to have a lover
we did everything for one another
i mean i used to have a lover
who never blanketed our passion
never kept it under cover
he was the yin to my yang
to lose him, even the thought
made my heart ache with fear
i could only thrive
if he was here
suddenly though
he wanted to disappear
to find himself in a place
that was foreign to me
all he said was there was more
than our corner of the world
for him to see
and he began his journey to himself
walking away
leaving me to piece
together the remnants of a life
held only by him
his back
strong
ready for the weight of the world
his legs
thick
ready to walk the distance
took him from me as he walked
his head
seemingly so beautiful, swiveled
his neck, long and elegant craned
his eyes, amber portholes
that i had taken for granted
strained, smiled
relayed a message full of apologies
a message that i accepted regretfully
though he had already
stated he would return
i knew better than to hope
that for one second
he, the lover that i had grown to know
would return to me unchanged
by the ways of the world
in his absence
he knew better than to expect me to remain
the almost woman that stood tall
tears threatening to betray
the stepford smile plastered to my face
the almost woman that loved him so strongly
that the knowledge that he wanted
no, that he needed something more than me
cut deeply, so deep
i couldn't tell where the emotional pain
ended and the physical began
just that they went hand in hand
through me the raw power of hurt ran
in his absence
i have to discover who i am





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