Dear God

August 20, 2012
By Anonymous

Self hatred and self pity mirrors me
Regretting all of my distraught choices
How absurd my life has been lately
As I was doing, never was I realizing
Others chastised me even as I ridiculed myself
My happiness was always dormant
My grace, my pride, my conscious slipped away
No longer am I the same adult child
More intensely introduced to poverty, pain, and lies
Morality disposed, I've endured men's hatred for women
Sell my body and with the earning buy my heart?
Inconsiderate to my feelings or my reputation
Who am I to you? you master, me slave?
Torment, shame, hatred, deceit, how am I not to believe that love, once my desire, is dead
What becomes me is dread
No feelings, no tears, around my heart a wall of stone
Used by so many, abused by some, the thought of someone loving me is close to none
The things I've seen can never be forgotten
The pains I've felt will always be felt
As the snow melts and spring comes,year round my past will feel like the present
The only way to escape is by death
Where will my happiness and confidence lie?
I fear my future as I fear my heart
As they desire love I desire wealth
Taking care of me my fantasies, my wishes
I don't want to perish before I have riches
Nobody s perfect I'm far from it
I was too loyal too gullible, I'm scarred from it
How can I trust again? God will it
I look in the mirror straight through me
Even I cant look me in the eye
I'm trying to put it behind me
I pray god, lead me where I should be
If God wills it I have some plans in mind
maybe then the self hatred and pity will find a way to release me

The author's comments:
I have been In California for three months and there is lots of prostitution going on especially with young teens and I had the chance to speak to one of them. She inspired me to write this poem.

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