August 6, 2012
Making each day a better past,

live my life like its my last,

God knows when ill pass,

Ive escaped death before, free pass.

Dont live so fragile, we got a back bone, its not glass,

When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade,

so when life gives you oppurtunity, tell her what you made,

Always tell the truth cause lies will start to fade,

And lies just get ppl heated, like Dwayne Wade,

haters will judge and there gonna say whatever,

So I just throw them birds up and keep it together,

Ill keep my head high, they can choke on the feathers

Join the Discussion

This article has 5 comments. Post your own now!

Dynamo This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 9, 2012 at 3:47 pm
Phew, that did take me in. Critically, this poem must be refined a lot before it can be the spread-message bulletin. Putting apostrophes, spelling properly.....grammar issues are not entirely out of the line. Since it was just a casual attempt, that doesn't matter, but I guess you realize the importance of doing good with the grammar issues. The flow is alright; there are places when you feel like it's cliche, But then, its free verse, and you cant expect a steady rhythm to build up. The... (more »)
dynasty7 said...
Aug. 9, 2012 at 12:28 pm
I read your other poem also, but i really like this one. it has a nice voice and a good concept. well done
Talman replied...
Aug. 9, 2012 at 12:32 pm
Thank you!
Black_Rose_Princess said...
Aug. 8, 2012 at 3:55 am
Very interesting. I really liked the message and meaning behind this; it really does ring out loud. Now a couple of things stood out: 1. You have many places where the poem flows very well, but then you have these rare few places where where the flow is suddenly broken.For example, "it's not glass" really does stick out. 2. The common cliche of "when life gives you lemons..." is just that...a maybe think of coming up with your own and/or changing t... (more »)
Talman replied...
Aug. 8, 2012 at 2:59 pm
I appreciate your comments, I'll try to improve my ways. I realized I accidently put "ppl" instead of people its just because I type my poems in my phone so its an awful habit.  Where Im from people are big basketball fans, so putting Dwayne Wade in it was for them, but I understand how others who dont know who he is puts curiosity and confusion in there minds. I appreciate your review!
Site Feedback