Life.

August 6, 2012
By Talman BRONZE, Lacey, Washington
Talman BRONZE, Lacey, Washington
3 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
They tell me that you can’t go back, life’s a one way.
People are always gonna judge, life’s a runway.


Making each day a better past,

live my life like its my last,

God knows when ill pass,

Ive escaped death before, free pass.

Dont live so fragile, we got a back bone, its not glass,

When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade,

so when life gives you oppurtunity, tell her what you made,

Always tell the truth cause lies will start to fade,

And lies just get ppl heated, like Dwayne Wade,

haters will judge and there gonna say whatever,

So I just throw them birds up and keep it together,

Ill keep my head high, they can choke on the feathers


The author's comments:
I hope people will learn from this poem. There's a lot of advice on living life.

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This article has 5 comments.


Dynamo DIAMOND said...
on Aug. 9 2012 at 3:47 pm
Dynamo DIAMOND, Lahore, Other
54 articles 0 photos 64 comments

Favorite Quote:
I used to think falling in love would be personal. But it's all a big public show.

Phew, that did take me in. Critically, this poem must be refined a lot before it can be the spread-message bulletin. Putting apostrophes, spelling properly.....grammar issues are not entirely out of the line. Since it was just a casual attempt, that doesn't matter, but I guess you realize the importance of doing good with the grammar issues. The flow is alright; there are places when you feel like it's cliche, But then, its free verse, and you cant expect a steady rhythm to build up. The message is clear and candid; that's how I like it. Your thoughts are well sorted out, but at times, it's like you are in a fix (I am too!). There are some metaphors and similes that you can use to present the same view in a different way that's more appealing to the audience. Allusion to Wade expresses a local-thought, whereas you would do better by expressing some universal thought. I guess that fulfills my duty; I did rip it apart. But then, once you have refined this thing, you will get the pearl you are searching for (too stilted!). And if I appear redundant, forgive me. I am suffering from highmentalpressurethatbuildsupbycontinouslystudyingscience. Bit of like supercalifragilisticexpialidocious....(ooops! I wandered away:))

Talman BRONZE said...
on Aug. 9 2012 at 12:32 pm
Talman BRONZE, Lacey, Washington
3 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
They tell me that you can’t go back, life’s a one way.
People are always gonna judge, life’s a runway.

Thank you!

dynasty7 GOLD said...
on Aug. 9 2012 at 12:28 pm
dynasty7 GOLD, Cochranville, Pennsylvania
14 articles 0 photos 10 comments
I read your other poem also, but i really like this one. it has a nice voice and a good concept. well done

Talman BRONZE said...
on Aug. 8 2012 at 2:59 pm
Talman BRONZE, Lacey, Washington
3 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
They tell me that you can’t go back, life’s a one way.
People are always gonna judge, life’s a runway.

I appreciate your comments, I'll try to improve my ways. I realized I accidently put "ppl" instead of people its just because I type my poems in my phone so its an awful habit.  Where Im from people are big basketball fans, so putting Dwayne Wade in it was for them, but I understand how others who dont know who he is puts curiosity and confusion in there minds. I appreciate your review!

on Aug. 8 2012 at 3:55 am
Pika_Princess, Escondido, California
0 articles 0 photos 118 comments
Very interesting. I really liked the message and meaning behind this; it really does ring out loud. Now a couple of things stood out: 1. You have many places where the poem flows very well, but then you have these rare few places where where the flow is suddenly broken.For example, "it's not glass" really does stick out. 2. The common cliche of "when life gives you lemons..." is just that...a  cliche...so maybe think of coming up with your own and/or changing that. 3. Ppl should be spelled out...people. 4. Ummm...Dwayne Wade? Not entirely sure about that one...unless he's very common and well-known then this isn't really doing much. I really liked the last two lines; those helped the poem flow and were very creative. Very nice job!




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