Johnny | Teen Ink


July 22, 2012
By Anonymous

remember when you used to care
when you used to love me
when you used to hold me close
why did you have to go away?
you ruined everything.
but its all my fault
i see you walking around on the street
i miss those times
when i was with you
so tall, your tan skin
you shined
so why are things different now?
i slowly watched your light go out
i watched you walk away
without a sound
you watched the tears run down my face
on that day, when you walked away
something went terribly wrong
your face has gone cold
it looked as hard as stone
as you ignored my tears
and pushed me away
that was not you
something else got inside your soul
i believed in you
i loved you
i knew you were too good for me
but i prayed that you'd always stay
i guess my prayers were wasted
johnny, i cant lie
i still miss you
and i cant erase that image
of you standing there in front of me
when you broke me in pieces
and threw me away
the day you disappeared
was the day i died inside
i kept on looking for you
my arms were reaching for you
but you weren't there
i went crazy, trying to figure out
what i did wrong, what did i do?
i loved you.
i wanted you.
i thought i knew you.
but i was wrong.
so as i take your picture down
and burn it in the fire
i cry, but i don't know why
and i burn your jacket into ashes
and then i realize
your cold face, has spread to mine
all the texts you sent, i erased
your dodgers baseball cap is in the lake
and then i stop crying
and i say, if he wants to be cold
then so do i.
and i print out this letter
and walk down your street
for the first time in forever
i walk up to your front steps
take a deep breath, reach into my pocket
hands shaking, i ring the doorbell
as i hear your mothers footsteps
i run away.
i left the letter on the ground
i don't know if you got it
i never went back to see
but if you did
i hope you know just how much
you broke me
not that you care
but i don't care either
i copied you, i am cold
and johnny, guess what?
I'm better at it than you.

The author's comments:
this is about johnny, one of my ex boyfriends. he was cold, but so was i.

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