There’s something I must get off my chest,
Something I’ve been waiting over two years for you to confess.
You stole something from me that couldn’t be returned.
At least there was a valuable lesson learned.
What you did was so beyond wrong and immoral,
Even afterwards I remained loyal.
I didn’t tell anyone for months,
Until it was far too late for you to be punished.
I was fourteen and still had so much to offer,
I had everything to give to someone who loved me,
And you took it all away, you left me with nothing.
The pain and regret I felt was something no one could see.
Two years and eighteen days later and I still feel,
As if it just happened,
In my mind it’s still so real.
I have to visible marks or scars, I’m no longer bruised.
I just feel the weight of being a young girl who’d been used.
Used in a way a girl never should have be,
You ripped my youth and innocence away from me.
You made me believe I was no good to anyone,
I was always in the dark, afraid of the light from the sun.
I was afraid of men, of friends, of you.
I was afraid of alcohol and revealing clothes too.
You made me afraid of living,
Which sometimes I still am to this day…
No matter what,
What you did will never be ok.
I didn’t realize then what I do now,
If only I had told or made it known somehow.
I was trying to escape the truth,
I was trying to justify it,
But there was no hiding from it.
It wasn’t my fault, it was yours.
I can finally admit that,
Like I can admit I’m not any of the things you called me;
A whore, slut, b****, useless, or fat.
I walk around and it seems like there’s not a care in the world,
But I’ll never forget the days I spent curled
Up in bed, in a ball, crying,
At the time I thought I was dying.
The thought of your actions make me sick,
You probably don’t even realize you did what you did.
There’s a part of me that because of you,
I would never be able to give to someone I wanted to,
Someone I loved who actually deserved it.
Not someone who sees a girl passed out and just steals it.
I remember waking up and thinking I was having a nightmare,
The pain was something I couldn’t bear.
I remember biting the pillow and trying not to make any noise,
Pretending to be asleep so you would quit,
But you didn’t,
You just kept doing it.
Finally you did.
Finally it was over,
Like my childhood.
I was so embarrassed when I stood,
And walked to the bathroom and locked the door.
I was drunk, scared, and sore.
I could never tell anyone, because I didn’t say anything
To start with.
If I had said no, if I had yelled, if I had done something,
Other than pretend to be passed out still…
I was only fourteen and you were so much older,
Who would have known you’d make me so much colder.
So shut off, and alone.
Now I’m at the point where I just can’t take it anymore,
I have to find a way to take my anger out,
After all,
No one wants to lose their innocence with six other people passed out in the room,
On their best friend’s living room floor.