“Have more confidence,” my family says,
Even as they comment
On my every weakness,
My every failure.
My incapability to
Measure up against my friends,
And themselves.

Some days, I want to scream.
Scream that,
No. I’m not a failure.
My weaknesses are also my strengths.
Why is that so hard to understand?
I know that everyone is better than me.
I get that.
I can accept it.
Why can’t you?

But I don’t.
I know that every word I utter
Will be disregarded.
That I will be shut down,
Pushed away, and ignored.
I know that whatever I give,
Everything that I try,
Will never
Ever
Be enough.

So I let every word swirl in my brain.
Let very derogatory comment
To keep repeating themselves,
Imprinting into my brain.
Letting them—everyone—
Shred my slowly fading confidence to pieces.
Until I just want disappear.