Eat You Alive

July 19, 2012
By Kiki_McGee GOLD, Woodstock, Illinois
Kiki_McGee GOLD, Woodstock, Illinois
16 articles 16 photos 72 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul - and sings the tunes without the words - and never stops at all." - Emily Dickinson


Eat you alive.
Candy lips and fingertips
I bite the bone clean.
Scream and shout,
Trash about --
You won't succeed;
I've got you now.
You're in my trap,
My little game,
My cannibal hunger.
Eat you alive.



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This article has 5 comments.


on Aug. 12 2012 at 9:57 am
Justpuppy BRONZE, St Charles, Missouri
1 article 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
Lifes not measure by the number of breaths we take, but the number of moments that take our breath away.

It fun to chant, the candy lips reminds me a bit of Halloween though. Other then that I think its awesome. Nice short and to the point.

on Aug. 9 2012 at 8:42 pm
Caleb.Andrews, London, Other
0 articles 0 photos 27 comments

Favorite Quote:
Multi vad, putini pricep.

Very interesting! This is well-written and definitely original. I would be interested to know what the inspiration for this was! I like the skulking, almost dark energy that is present throughout the poem. The only thing that I would change would be the repetition of "eat you alive" at the very end. I think that ending with "my cannibal hunger" is more powerful, but it is still great either way. Kudos!

on Aug. 3 2012 at 12:02 am
Kiki_McGee GOLD, Woodstock, Illinois
16 articles 16 photos 72 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul - and sings the tunes without the words - and never stops at all." - Emily Dickinson

Hey, thanks for the feedback! I agree that there are definitely a few errors within the piece (an example being "trash" instead of "thrash") and I really do love the advice (trust me, I could use the help I get). Tiwaz: I must admit that it would be pretty fun to steal a congressman's shoes and run off to Costa Rica. It's nice and warm there. Of course, one cannot forget to bring along a yorkie! There're so cute! However, my dad still calls them furry rats! Thanks for the advice :)

Eirias SILVER said...
on Aug. 2 2012 at 10:10 pm
Eirias SILVER, Spring, Texas
5 articles 0 photos 71 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you wish to be a writer, write" -Epictetus

I pretty much agree with Tiwaz. "bite" does not agree with the adjective "clean."

Perhaps you meant to say "thrash" instead of "trash"?

Also, if this is legitly about cannibalism (which is the only thing I think it could be about), "candy" makes me think that this is something metaphorical. Cannibalism is an interesting subject, but not something I would see as the basis for 2 poems by the same person.

I would also like to see a break into 2 (or even 3) stanzas somewhere.

And I would write the last 2 lines "My cannibal hunger/ will eat you alive."

I don't care which poems of mine you look at, as long as you get "surrounded by Nature and You will See . . ." in the forums (it's the one I need the most help on).


Tiwaz SILVER said...
on Aug. 2 2012 at 11:44 am
Tiwaz SILVER, Jackson, Missouri
6 articles 0 photos 28 comments

First of all, this is a wonderful poem and I love its simplicity, but I've just got a couple suggestions. I'm gonna go ahead and apologize for going on and on.

 

In the 2nd line, I don't really like the word "bite", because it puts this goofy image in my head of someone doing a Pac-Man motion on a dog bone. I know the alliteration is nice, but I would suggest another word, maybe "lick", "gnaw", or "chew"

 

Secondly, instead of "you won't succeed", how about telling what they won't succeed in doing (ex: "you won't escape", "you won't outsmart me", "you won't steal the Congressman's shoes and elope to Costa Rica with twenty Party City employees and a Yorkie")?

 

 



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