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Inquiries on a Thursday Afternoon

Mama, why did I have to go and get hurt?
Why do the people I let in always seem to leave?
When will I be able to sleep at night?
What did I do wrong? Why did they do it?

Mama, when will I learn my lesson?
Why do I make the same tired mistakes?
Why do I always fall when I run?

Mama, when will I be able to forget what happened?
When will I feel safe again?
When will I see my friends again?
Where am I supposed to go now?

Mama, who am I supposed to be?
When will I be more than just okay?
Why don’t scars fade with time?
Why do I think about it every day?
When will I know it wasn’t my fault?
What do I tell myself tomorrow?

Mama, why do I have to wear a mask?
What is the point of me?
What am I going to do about Christmas?
Why do I wonder if I’m ever missed?
When can I stop torturing myself with what-ifs?

Mama, will I ever feel the same again?
Will I end up back in this place eventually?

Mama, why don’t I feel like a grown up yet?
Why can’t I find the time to cry anymore?
Why don’t we talk about it anymore?
When will I learn to bury my feelings?
Why did I let this happen to me?

Mama, how did I get so miserable?
When will I be able to look in a mirror again?
Who taught me to be so bitter?

Mama, why am I even writing this down?
When will I give up on my dreams?
Why am I such a foolish boy?

Mama, do you remember that night three years ago?
Have you known all along?
Was I always building towards that morning three months ago?
Why can’t I let it go?
Why didn’t I see it coming?
Why did I believe in fairy tales for so long?

Mama, is everyone else as broken as I am?
Can I find something stronger one day?
Where did all my heroes go?
Why can’t I see the beauty in a sunset?
How will I make it through the day?

Mama, why won’t anyone say sorry anymore?
Why do I feel alone in crowded rooms?

Mama, why did I have to go and get hurt?
“Mama doesn’t have all the answers, son.
All we can do is try to hold on.”



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