Coffee Table Universe

July 12, 2012
By Matt27 SILVER, Englewood, Colorado
Matt27 SILVER, Englewood, Colorado
8 articles 0 photos 21 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Outsiders who see rules and not the love that runs through them are often too ready to label other people as 'prisoners'." -Iris Murdoch in The Sea, The Sea


I've decided that I exist,
Because that's exactly what I'd like to believe.

I'd like to say that I've breathed air and seen light,
Heard crickets in the starlit night,
Tossed laughter to those beneath the sky,
Drank tea as life ran by.
I've decided this is the truth.

Because how could there be and stirrings in my soul,
If there is nothing there to stir?
How could I feel any joy or pain,
If I were not there to be infected?
I could not.

But I saw the world shift today,
Just a quick little shiver,
As if some giant had stubbed his toe,
On the coffee table that houses our universe,
What does it mean?

Maybe my perception is off,
Like some scheduled sensory oil change,
Recommended by the manufacturer,
Was overlooked.
Or as if everything I ever saw,
Was just a representation of reality,
And my mind was trying to see as it was originally meant to see,
But what can I trust?

Do I look to my sight,
That which has already proven unreliable,
So pliable beneath the toes of giants?
Nor will I trust his friends,
Barons over scent, touch, taste, and sound,
They are just as shady.

What then is left?
Emotion?
That traitorous fiend,
In danger of whiplash any time the weather changes?
I think not.

I'd like to be around more upstanding company,
Something solid and certain,
Honest and definitive,
Where are you good friend?
Hide-and-go-seek is it?
No, I guess not.

But I've decided that I exist.
No matter how irrational it may be,
I've decided.


The author's comments:
I wrote this really because of a quote by William Blake. He said,"If the doors of perception were washed away, man would see things as they truly are, infinite."

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This article has 3 comments.


Matt27 SILVER said...
on Aug. 1 2012 at 6:49 pm
Matt27 SILVER, Englewood, Colorado
8 articles 0 photos 21 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Outsiders who see rules and not the love that runs through them are often too ready to label other people as 'prisoners'." -Iris Murdoch in The Sea, The Sea

I see what you're saying; the poem seems to stumble in those stanzas that you pointed out. I tend to get a little overexcited when I start getting ideas. I'm personally opposed to poems without a message, though I do enjoy good writing whether there is a message or not, but I think a better disguised message would be more graceful than what I have here. Thank you, you are always very helpful.

Eirias SILVER said...
on Aug. 1 2012 at 11:55 am
Eirias SILVER, Spring, Texas
5 articles 0 photos 71 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you wish to be a writer, write" -Epictetus

I haven't seen you in a while. So far, I like the first stanza.

second stanza: I like some kind of game between "sky" and "drank." This is a little odd, but what if you put an ellipsis before "drank?"

Tossed laughter to those beneath the sky

. . . Drank tea, as life ran by.

 

And I would like the last line to go, "Ive decided: this is the truth"

 

I'm not sure what happened to stanza 3 . . . not so good.

 

I like the idea of our universe on a coffee table, but again, the poetic style falls short on that next stanza.

See, the problem here is that you want so badly to make your point, that you forget you are writing a poem. Don't compromise the poetry to make the message as easy to say as possible. Honestly, message is really overrated among teens. Look at Tennyson: hardly anything he writes has a "message."

I like the last stanza. Good Job!


on Jul. 17 2012 at 9:56 am
Wearing_Westwood GOLD, Cary, North Carolina
18 articles 0 photos 22 comments

Favorite Quote:
Don't think. Thinking is the enemy of creativity. It's self conscious, and anything self-conscious is lousy. You can't try to do things. You simply must do things. -Ray Bradbury

This is so amazing!

I love the imagery you use with the coffee table and the giant's toe

And the fact that you wrote so much, and made it so deep, based only off of a quote is really impressive.

You have a lot of talent, keep writing!





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