July 12, 2012
I can't even say the things I want
With the words that are buried
Deep inside my heart
For the fear
That things won't be the same
That's the only word that comes to mind
When I think about all the things
Buried deep inside
Don't you think I already know?
But I can't seem to get these words to flow
And it hurts to know
That no one will try to even understand
What I'm going through
With how much I hurt down deep inside
But still I can't seem
To get these words
Out of my mind
My mind goes blank
Just in time
For my words
To hide away
As I lose what I was trying to say
That's when I wish
I could just fade away
Because of the words
I want to say

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This article has 3 comments. Post your own now!

The-Silent-Call said...
Jul. 21, 2012 at 12:46 pm
Well, to provide imagery, you have to provide pictures. Let me feel how deep inside it aches. Right now, it sounds like you're ranting about your feelings in a cafe, which anyone will sympathize with, but not feel. Put the senses in it. Feel pain, seeing the hopelessness, tasting the bitter taste of defeat when no one listens, etc. It allows someone to really step into your shoes, and be a part of you for the moment. Your poem already has some of that, but go deeper. :)
The-Silent-Call said...
Jul. 18, 2012 at 10:28 pm

I love the emphasis you put on the word hopeless, great job!

Maybe you could add more imagery? That's my only suggestion.


Avenging_Angel replied...
Jul. 21, 2012 at 12:35 pm
How would I put imagery into it?
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