Hopeless

July 12, 2012
By Avenging_Angel PLATINUM, Cleburne, Texas
Avenging_Angel PLATINUM, Cleburne, Texas
33 articles 0 photos 19 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You never really know your friends from your enemies until the ice breaks. "- Eskimo


I can't even say the things I want
With the words that are buried
Deep inside my heart
For the fear
That things won't be the same
HOPELESS
That's the only word that comes to mind
When I think about all the things
Buried deep inside
HOPELESS
Don't you think I already know?
But I can't seem to get these words to flow
And it hurts to know
That no one will try to even understand
What I'm going through
With how much I hurt down deep inside
But still I can't seem
To get these words
Out of my mind
HOPELESS
My mind goes blank
Just in time
For my words
To hide away
As I lose what I was trying to say
That's when I wish
I could just fade away
Because of the words
I want to say



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This article has 3 comments.


on Jul. 21 2012 at 12:46 pm
The-Silent-Call BRONZE, Cincinnati, Ohio
4 articles 1 photo 14 comments

Favorite Quote:
\"Trust yourself, you know more than you think\" -Spock

Well, to provide imagery, you have to provide pictures. Let me feel how deep inside it aches. Right now, it sounds like you're ranting about your feelings in a cafe, which anyone will sympathize with, but not feel. Put the senses in it. Feel pain, seeing the hopelessness, tasting the bitter taste of defeat when no one listens, etc. It allows someone to really step into your shoes, and be a part of you for the moment. Your poem already has some of that, but go deeper. :)

on Jul. 21 2012 at 12:35 pm
Avenging_Angel PLATINUM, Cleburne, Texas
33 articles 0 photos 19 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You never really know your friends from your enemies until the ice breaks. "- Eskimo

How would I put imagery into it?

on Jul. 18 2012 at 10:28 pm
The-Silent-Call BRONZE, Cincinnati, Ohio
4 articles 1 photo 14 comments

Favorite Quote:
\"Trust yourself, you know more than you think\" -Spock

I love the emphasis you put on the word hopeless, great job!

Maybe you could add more imagery? That's my only suggestion.

 





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