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Actions in Life

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The Actions in Life

You cry 
You watch 
You learn 
You talk 

Pretty soon you'll be able to walk. 

You smile 
You wave
You run
You save 

You're growing up too fast. 

You listen 
You feel 
You shout 
You squeal 

You've had your first kiss. 

You mature 
You move away 
You travel 
You earn 

We'll see you again someday. 

You come back 
You meet 
You marry 
You greet 

Our first grandchild comes into the world. 

You grow old 
You reminisce 
You tell stories of long ago 
You miss 

All those memories. 
All those actions. 
The pathway of life before us
What a great gift. 




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Eirias said...
Jul. 23, 2012 at 8:28 pm:

This is pretty good. . . It is kinda a play-it-safe poem. There has very few flaws, but there is also very little that can be done to improve it; it has hit it's roof. I would like to see some punctuation on those multi-line stanzas (You cry/you watch. . .) Strictly speaking, in academic poetry, there is no pause at the end of lines unless there is punctuation. You intended the spaces to act like punctuation and give it pause, but really, poetry is supposed to be read straight through enjambe... (more »)

 
LongLazyDays55This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jul. 24, 2012 at 11:37 am :
Thanks for your comment. Thanks for the advice too! I know I didn't do it 'correctly' but I just made it up on the spot. I've looked at your work. Very good! Keep writing!
 
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albinotiger said...
Jul. 17, 2012 at 9:34 am:
WOW im speachless!! so true and so simple!! U r truley amazing!
 
LongLazyDays55This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jul. 17, 2012 at 12:00 pm :
Thank you so much! I thought your poems are amazing as well! Your all amazing! YAY! :D
 
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hippiechick99 said...
Jul. 17, 2012 at 9:30 am:
I think this is a really great poem... It's so true in many ways and even though I'm young, I understand this... Sometimes I feel like I'm growing up too fast, and I'm sure lots of kids feel the same. I loved this, keep writing :))))
 
LongLazyDays55This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jul. 17, 2012 at 11:58 am :
Thanks hippiechick99! I'm glad you liked the poem! I'll read some of your poems! :D Thanks again! :)
 
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Kristina G. This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 16, 2012 at 3:58 pm:
I love this poem. It is seriously one of the best I've heard! It's sad, but that's just how life is. And that last stanza... A great end to a great poem. I look forward to seeing more of your work!
 
LongLazyDays55This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jul. 17, 2012 at 3:16 am :
Thank you so much! :) I will have a look at some of your work! Thanks again! :D
 
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