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Beautiful Abyss

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Failure is a destructive but alluring sun of brightly concealed taunts.
A massive and molten dream that expands throughout the darkness,
Sending rays of passion out beyond.
It grows every hour with a stellar light to blind from the destructive intent.
It reaps the benefits of a lonely life,
Casting away and then pulling into a submissive orbit around itself
In the futile idea of isolating the soul from change.
And then the radiant and growing, growing hope.
So large that nothing could escape;
Nothing could pry open that fiery grasp until…
Collapse.
Sudden enough from passion to disaster that all direction is scattered
And the flecks left of desire and persistence fly into a supernova of crushed prospect;
Colorful purpose never to be made sense of.
Or the mass is pulled in by its own gravity,
Far too big for the mind to comprehend.
A black hole left in wake of the trust that once had been.
Or a nebula nursery to raise terminal hope again.
And suddenly beyond is no longer bright but abyss;
To those who dreamed, failure is this.



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Anna141This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 2, 2013 at 11:26 am:
Very good, keep writing!
 
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SteelersJdog said...
Feb. 27, 2013 at 10:40 am:
I love the line, "In the futile idea of isolating the soul from change." I think that it captures the whole theme of the poem. The whole background of failure and its ability to isolate one's soul and make it hesitant to change. The whole "try try again" theme isn't that simple in the sense that accumulative failure has a psychological ramification on one's soul. I also like the comparisons that you drew from astrology. The idea of a black hole is popular, but it ... (more »)
 
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IMSteelThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jan. 15, 2013 at 1:26 pm:
You are very good at poetry, the picture you paint is compelling, similar to the way I describe things like this.  Very, very good!
 
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Chibi_DanniThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 14, 2012 at 10:32 pm:

Definitly a peon that has depth and makes u pause and think about the meaning behind it. Great peom.

Keep writing,

Danni

 
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dark_armor1 said...
Jul. 12, 2012 at 12:56 am:
wow i loved the depth of this poem. beautiful. good job :)
 
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thatunknownthingThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 11, 2012 at 11:31 pm:
beautiful intelligent words, but you have dragged it a bit too much in the middle, but a nicely constructed piece, and nice comparison though you have lost complete relevance with 'failure' as you talk about stars. but a good work. please check out my 'that scraggly young girl' and 'his smile', i'd love to hear your say on them.
 
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Matt27 said...
Jul. 11, 2012 at 6:20 pm:
Your poem has an incredibly deep and powerful feel; it uses very intelligent wording and seems to roll across each line. The metaphor of failure as being bright and attractive before collapsing in upon itself and everything around it is great and a rather apt picture to create. If you wouldn't mind checking out my threads Jazz Been Dug and Painful Stares I would be grateful.
 
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