November Apologies

July 2, 2012
By Prisoner24601 SILVER, New Malden, Other
Prisoner24601 SILVER, New Malden, Other
7 articles 0 photos 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
"But Brutus says he was ambitious,
And Brutus is an honourable man." ~William Shakespeare, Julius Caesar


I was wrong,
For what I did and what I said,
And how I hurt you over and over again.
And, as if that wasn’t enough, how I took
Your heart
And ripped it into shreds.

But you were wrong.
For how could I have known?
I was a child and so were you.
I couldn’t handle love, or the fact that
You loved me more than I did.
I thought it was a joke.

I thought I could handle it.
That you would grow out of
This silly teenage crush.
I wanted to be left alone.
I’m sorry for that.

And so I showed you,
That I couldn’t love a person;
Not you or anybody else.
But you clung on to the hope
That someday, I might love you back.

But then you broke,
Like the glass in those photo frames.
You know, the ones of us together
That you killed upon that lifeless day.

And then you ran from me,
Like the teardrops down my cheek.
The ones I cried for you,
The ones you couldn’t see.

And so I’m sorry.
For thinking I didn’t love you back,
And for expecting you to hold on
To something I wouldn’t let you have.

I promise you that next time,
If there is a next time at all,
I will love you with everything,
And catch you when you fall.



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This article has 4 comments.


on Jul. 25 2013 at 3:57 pm
Prisoner24601 SILVER, New Malden, Other
7 articles 0 photos 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
"But Brutus says he was ambitious,
And Brutus is an honourable man." ~William Shakespeare, Julius Caesar

Poetry can be what you want  it to be. I think this is great, Rosie.

Eirias SILVER said...
on Jul. 30 2012 at 2:45 pm
Eirias SILVER, Spring, Texas
5 articles 0 photos 71 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you wish to be a writer, write" -Epictetus

I like the title . . . very intriguing . . . and I like the concept.

This read like prose. It sounds just like an apology, which is great if it is, but that isn't poetry, it's something to make your boyfriend feel better . . . not to share with us. If it has a multiple purpose, this didn't feel like it. It doesn't sound like you put much consideration into the word choice (which to admitted: if some lines "just happen" to anything, you aren't really putting down the best words, just the first ones that you think of).

I'm not going to give you specifics to fix it, aside from a few generic tips, because I don't think this--no matter how polished--will win any awards. I think YOU could rewrite this and make it specatacular . . . but this feels like a flood of emotions running unchecked.

For one thing, you use a lot of words twice. It's generally a bad idea to use the same word more than once in a couple of pages, and since poems are so short, it is typically unacceptable to use the same word twice at all. "Love" is a hard word to find synonyms for, but that's why many people dance around the word.

Rhyming . . . irregular rhyms give the feel that they "just happened" which makes it seem as though you didn't put a lot of effort into the piece. You can use them to communicate a shift, or climax or something, but you still have to be very careful.

 


on Jul. 30 2012 at 5:55 am
Prisoner24601 SILVER, New Malden, Other
7 articles 0 photos 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
"But Brutus says he was ambitious,
And Brutus is an honourable man." ~William Shakespeare, Julius Caesar

Thank you for the feedback :) It wasn't particularly supposed to rhyme, it's just some lines happened to.

on Jul. 30 2012 at 4:11 am
thatunknownthing DIAMOND, Dubai, Other
67 articles 0 photos 211 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift; that's why they call it the present"

i think this is a beautiful poem especiallyu the line, "like tear drops from my cheeks" and the stanza 'and then you broke..' but if you mean a rhyming scheme in this poem, i think it hasnt turned out very regular. but it was an interesting and engaging read, innovative similes and nicely expressed emotions! keep it up :) 


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