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I will Smile

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When the day come that all the stories of old come true is the day I will smile. When the day come that the earth is at peace with itself is the day I will smile. When the day come that men will not fight each other is the day I will smile. When the day come that everyone will love each other like brothers and sisters is the day I will smile. When the day come that the pain stop is the day I will smile. When the day come that we can finally rest is the day I will smile.
The day is near I can feel in my heart




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HazelGrace said...
Jun. 16, 2013 at 3:48 pm:
Again, the effect of repetition lessens the more you use it. And maybe to switch it up you could say after saying " the day i will smile' you could be like "The day I will let radiance spread across my feautures." For such a good topic, your language could be more poetic. Also use linebreaks more effectively and intentionally :)
 
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