Finally Me

June 29, 2012
By VandalSpirit DIAMOND, Pleasant Prairie, Wisconsin
VandalSpirit DIAMOND, Pleasant Prairie, Wisconsin
51 articles 9 photos 186 comments

Favorite Quote:
Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of Gods great love, we are not consumed. His compassion never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.


You once said you loved me
"Forever and always"
Such a cliche
Give me some originality
You're the same as all your friends
You little risk-taker reject
Put yourself out there
One more time

Did you know I've swapped hearts
And personalities
Over all these years
Now I've found my person
I'm no longer what you wish to see
A little giver for you alone
So I'll put myself out there
One more time

I'm done being
Something I'm not
And now that you're gone
I'm finding myself
I'm new, I'm different
I'm not just what you
Wish to see
After two years of living for you
I am finally me



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This article has 2 comments.


on Aug. 2 2012 at 12:15 am
VandalSpirit DIAMOND, Pleasant Prairie, Wisconsin
51 articles 9 photos 186 comments

Favorite Quote:
Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of Gods great love, we are not consumed. His compassion never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

In stanza 1: I should have put a comma between risk-taker and reject because its sort of like risk-taker and reject. (punctuation is soooo important)

Stanza 2: I guess I should have put "Now I've found my hidden person." maybe? It was supposed to sort of be the person inside me that never came out.

Thank you very very much for your comments! You are super helpful :)


Tiwaz SILVER said...
on Aug. 1 2012 at 11:48 pm
Tiwaz SILVER, Jackson, Missouri
6 articles 0 photos 28 comments

Warning: Jumbly wordsplosion ahead. 

 

You did a good job starting this poem out strong. The first stanza is great; I particularly like "give me some originality", although I can't say why. The only line I don't like is "You little..." because, to be honest, it doesn't make that much sense to me. Are you saying that the person tried and failed to be a risk-taker? A change in the wording might clear things up.

 

Two things from the 2nd stanza: "All" could be eliminated from "Over all these years" (I may have a weird idea of which words are unnecessary, though, because I cut out words like a maniac with my poems), and "person" in "Now I've found..." is a little boring. Instead, perhaps you could say that you've found whatever this person (although I'm not quite clear on whether or not this person is you) represents to you, if that makes sense.

 

As for the 3rd stanza, I have no complaints.

 

 





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