Finally Me

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You once said you loved me
"Forever and always"
Such a cliche
Give me some originality
You're the same as all your friends
You little risk-taker reject
Put yourself out there
One more time

Did you know I've swapped hearts
And personalities
Over all these years
Now I've found my person
I'm no longer what you wish to see
A little giver for you alone
So I'll put myself out there
One more time

I'm done being
Something I'm not
And now that you're gone
I'm finding myself
I'm new, I'm different
I'm not just what you
Wish to see
After two years of living for you
I am finally me





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Tiwaz said...
Aug. 1, 2012 at 11:48 pm

Warning: Jumbly wordsplosion ahead. 

 

You did a good job starting this poem out strong. The first stanza is great; I particularly like "give me some originality", although I can't say why. The only line I don't like is "You little..." because, to be honest, it doesn't make that much sense to me. Are you saying that the person tried and failed to be a risk-taker? A change in the wording might clear things up.

 

Two things from the 2nd stanza: "All" c... (more »)

 
8tephanie This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Aug. 2, 2012 at 12:15 am

In stanza 1: I should have put a comma between risk-taker and reject because its sort of like risk-taker and reject. (punctuation is soooo important)

Stanza 2: I guess I should have put "Now I've found my hidden person." maybe? It was supposed to sort of be the person inside me that never came out.

Thank you very very much for your comments! You are super helpful :)

 
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