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Night

I’m scared of the dark…
No! I’m scared of Night.
For with Night comes the silence that deafens me.
As it is Night who unhinges the doors to my sanity,
Allowing those thoughts that I thought were un-thought to be thought again.

When they laughed
and called me names.
The time no one believed
and I was blamed.
That day they saw
and I was ashamed.
When I realized people are animals
and can’t be tamed.

Stop it! Stop it!
I can’t take it anymore!
As they scream to me
One by one
Two by two
All at once
A painful slue
Of this and that
And that of this
One more slander
And ill have a fit
Go insane
And slit my wrist
Die that night by the hands of Night
And succumb to the torturous bliss



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StarlitSunriseThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 7, 2013 at 11:55 am
Overall, I thought this was well written. The only small thing I should point out is that I'm pretty sure you meant for "ill" in the third stanza to be "I'll". Other than that, I could find no errors. :)
 
Eirias said...
Jul. 26, 2012 at 5:56 am

Well, I enjoyed the first stanza. It sounded like real poetry. The rest . . . slipped back into rap again. I'm not sure if it's just me (I'm on jet lag, and I only got 3 hours of sleep) or if it's your style.

I think the random rhymes help foster the rap feel, as well as the short lines and absence of puntuation. I actually did enjoy the thought/un-thought/thought in the first stanza.

 
Black_Rose_Princess said...
Jul. 26, 2012 at 5:03 am

Wow! First before I start with the the construtive critiques I must say this was amazing! I loved how you personified Night and made it seem like an actual person, an actual villian...truly brilliant. Second, I loved how this sounded as though you were talking (or in some cases yelling) at someone...amazing! 

Ok well the first thing that stuck out to me was in the first stanza...the word un-thought...I understood what you meant, but that word just stands out and it ruins the flow ... (more »)

 
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