I Had Always Thought, "That Will Never Be Me."

June 14, 2012
By , Santa Maria, CA
I never thought I would be the girl on the milk carton.
Or the girl you saw on the street.
I'm the girl that you look at and think,
"Well. That will never be me."

You could look at me and all my excuses,
But they really aren't worth anything to you.
So give me a dime,
And I'll be fine.
Really, anything will do.

The people who stand out side of stores; selling candy for a cause.
I have nothing but respect for them.

I will donate a dollar,
And take I flyer.
Because, maybe one day that will be me too.

I walk into alcoholics anonymous,
I'm very scared.
I've been to the bottom of every bottle.
But I know in my heart it is the right thing; being here.

The meetings are free.
What ever is?
I know this can't be free.
Someone is fundraising so someday I will have a better life than this.

I look to the mirror; when my head isn't in the toilet.
I can feel my stomach begin to harden,
And so is the lump in my throat.

I take timid steps into the clinic,
I avoid all eye contact with the others.
Some are older,
Some are young.

Other teens look at me like somehow they are better than me.
But how can that be?
Now it is my turn to judge; as you walk out minus one tiny soul.

I always thought that, "That will never be me."

I am sorry to disappoint you,
Can we just forget the past?
I should have known that this love for myself was never going to last...

I never thought I would be that person selling herself for a little bit of money; some kind of thrill.
Every time stranger's eyes strip my body up and down, I get a chill.
This is such a sick, sick, job that I need; that I crave.
All my secrets are going to follow me right down to my grave.

But I had always thought...
"That will never be me."

I guess I should come to terms with myself,
I want to scream out,
Because worthless is something that I will never be.

Today is the day; the day I will change myself.
I'm going to be someone that I want to be.
Because I had always thought...

I had always thought,
"That will never be me."

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