Magazine, website & books written by teens since 1989

Paradise

Custom User Avatar
More by this author
Fields of green,
And skies of blue.
Here with you,
This is paradise.
All awash,
With the colors of love.
Birds chirp,
And the flowers bloom.
Here with you,
In paradise.
The sun lends us its warmth,
Though we have no need of it.
For our love is a warmth of its own.
Here, the water is blue,
And the trees gently sway.
Or so you say.
But I notice not,
For i focus only on you,
My paradise.



Join the Discussion


This article has 8 comments. Post your own!

CeCelia32 said...
Sept. 15, 2012 at 9:15 am:
This is a very sweet poem, and I think that everyone can relate to it which is very important for the reader. If the reader can't relate, they probably won't like it. You did a greeeeattt job!!! Keep it up!! :)
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
CeCelia32 said...
Sept. 15, 2012 at 9:15 am:
This is a very sweet poem, and I think that everyone can relate to it which is very important for the reader. If the reader can't relate, they probably won't like it. You did a greeeeattt job!!! Keep it up!! :)
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
thatunknownthingThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 1, 2012 at 10:01 am:
cute poem! very optimistic, light hearted and bright, i loved the last line! beautiful, cant find any major faults. keep up the great work.
 
bigblue replied...
Jul. 1, 2012 at 12:13 pm :
Thanks for your feedback! I'm so glad you enjoyed it :)
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
ForeverDreaming said...
Jun. 29, 2012 at 9:29 am:
SO cute!!! I agree with Thorn about the rhthym but this is something that I LOVE to read!!! Great job :D!
 
bigblue replied...
Jun. 29, 2012 at 2:51 pm :
Thank you!
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Thorn said...
Jun. 28, 2012 at 4:48 pm:
AWWWWW! That was cute. Great word choice and imagery, too. Only thing I would suggest is to pay a little more attention to rhythm, especially if you're going to use repitition. Great job! :)
 
bigblue replied...
Jun. 28, 2012 at 5:28 pm :
Thanks for the feedback, Thorn! Greatly appreciated :)
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Site Feedback