Write that I was afraid to do anything
I couldn’t leave the house, couldn’t even be around friends
I felt like a monster was living inside of me and controlling everything I did
That I needed support but, it never came from the one I loved the most
The one that used to be there and is now far away
I couldn’t get help from her or see her
Write that I was waiting for someone to pull me aside and ask if I was okay
That this monster told me to do certain things
Things that normal human beings wouldn’t do
That I did the unimaginable
I listened to this beast and gave it the satisfaction that it needed
I cut into the skin and watched the shimmering liquid drip from my wrist
Say that was the old me
The person that I used to be
The one that would have let anyone step all over them
Until she was crying in the darkness afraid to speak and afraid to live
Tell them that I will never be like that again
I swore to the woman that I will never see again
Not after the day she left this earth
The day that I remember like it was yesterday
Write that I loved that woman with all of my heart and soul
That I wish that I could hear her voice say its okay
And keep me in thoughs warm arms until I stop crying
One last time
Say that I will never forget the way that she would hug me so tight I couldn’t breathe
And how she wouldn’t let go
Tell them that she was my reason to breath and once she was gone I felt like I couldn’t be safe again.
Tell them that I found someone to keep me balanced
But I will never forget her and the way that she made me feel
Tell them that even though I was dieing of a broken heart
And that I thought it would be easy to come back to life
It’s not I’m still putting back the shattered pieces of my heart
Say that I was weak but now are strong
I can no longer dwell on the past
I was strong enough to let go
Write that I will never give up on anyone or myself
I will no longer stay away from what makes me happy
I will no longer lock myself in my room cutting off contact with the outside world
Staying in the cave that I sleep and dwell in
I will become closer with my family
Say that I am no longer selfish
Tell them that I was greatful
Everyone rescued me from the monster inside me
From the monster that I was becoming
From the evil that was overwhelming
Tell them that I have the most amazing family
My mom, the one that keeps me on track
My dad, the one that makes me feel better when I am upset
My little sister, the one that gets on my nerves but always follows through
Except for the next person
My big sister, write that she was never there for me
She doesn’t care how many heartfelt poems I write for her
How many times I try to see her
How many tears are on my pillow because of her
Write about the anger and hatred that she fills me with
And how much she makes me hurt inside
Write that some people believe that I should let go
Let go of the hurt she puts me through
How hard it is to not have her there
To have her leave for four years
I don’t even know if I will see her before one of us dies
Tell them that I feel that I will not see her until my dads’ funeral
I doubt I will even then
Maybe when she’s laying in the casket
Skin all cold and lifeless
Say that when I do I will cry until my eyes run out of water
I will always hate her for that
I will always hate her for what she puts me and my dad through
Say that I was filled with all this hurt and hatred
And it will never go away
And that I will never be the same person I was
Tell them that I try to get over it
I try to stop the tears from falling down my cheeks
That I hate to cry
Write that I lay in the dark with my headphones on
And stare into the dark ceiling
Tell them that sometimes I imagine im in a difference place
I’m a different person
In a different world
Where the moon is up all day and stars twinkle with such spark
Write that I paint almost everyday
It’s my outlet
It’s my passion
It’s how I control how I feel
Say that when I listen to jazz I feel calm
How I listen to my favorite cd
How my favorite song comes on
How I know every word and sing it with a passion
How I pretend that I am on stage
How I pretend that im in front of a huge audience
How I pretend that I am famous
Say that no one really knows who I am
How this is the most I’ve said about myself
How I am afraid of what people will think of the real me
If they will laugh
If they will talk behind my back
If they shun me from everyone else to leave me alone
Tell them that this is the real me
This is who I am
And how I feel
They don’t have to like it
Say that I am my own person
And I am truly myself when I am alone