The Hardest Part Of Living Is Just Taking Breath To Stay

June 6, 2012
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I'm trying my hardest...
But the hardest part is..
I can't see you.

This world's a b****.
I don't even get to just see you walking by just once more...

People say I'm lucky I don't have to deal with him anymore.
But, our relationship wasn't about, "dealing" with each other.
..At least not till the end?

All my breakup songs are on repeat.
Even my little brother is humming along now..

I don't blame you..
I guess.

I'm just going to sleep...
Forever if that's alright with you...

I'll curl up in my miseries.
And I'll wrap my legs around my bear.
And hope to find peace somewhere between my dreams and solitude.

I thought I was going to be OK.

That's what everyone was telling me..

Someone help...

I saw a picture of you.
I almost dropped dead.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I'm a wreck.

I really did try to be fine.

I tried for you...

Were you happy in that photo?
Or were you faking a smile?

I bet your happy.
I want you to be.

I'm still starting at photographs..
And notes.

Keep breathing..

I can still hear you in my head,
Like your coaching me thru this.

"Stay calm baby."
"Everything is going to be OK."
"...I'll love you forever."

I should have known..

But what can I say?
I loved you.
..I love you.

I can still feel you rubbing the small of my back.
I can still feel you eyes on me, like you were actually looking at me.
I can still feel your breath..
..And your lips.

That makes me all the more angry.

I feel so abandoned.
Like someone stuck a white flag on me and called out,
"Abandon ship!"

In my mind I knew.
But I didn't say it aloud.

I couldn't see you.
Because if I did..
I knew...

I knew I'd fall right back in love with you.

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