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The Pale Man

bang,bang,bang
an old,tall,pale man with black hair knocks on your door.
As he smiles at you,you notice
that his pearly white canine teeth
are sharper than the rest.
"Hi girly," He whispers into your ear.
And asks for a kiss...




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Masey400 said...
Jun. 22, 2012 at 7:21 pm:
The point of this poem was not to be literal. It was supposed to hint at something creepy that could have developed from this point.
 
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Masey400 said...
Jun. 18, 2012 at 6:53 pm:
Thank you to all of you who voted or commented. It is much appreciated!!
 
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TheCapturedBatThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 17, 2012 at 10:57 pm:
By the way, I don't mean to insult the poem. I'm just saying that if it were me, I wouldn't get close enough for him to whisper in my ear. I would unleash the dog on him and then go and hide in the closet.
 
Masey400 replied...
Jun. 18, 2012 at 6:44 pm :
Yes. I guess you are smarter than her. I did not think about what I would do while I was writing this poem. Next time I should mae the character be more intelligent. However, I think it would kind of ruin the creepiness if the dog was unleashed on the guy.:)
 
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TheCapturedBatThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 17, 2012 at 10:55 pm:
This is creepy, but the creepiness is somewhat dulled by the fact that the girl was stupid enough to open the door.
 
Masey400 replied...
Jun. 18, 2012 at 6:42 pm :
Very good point. It is stupid of the girl to open the door. Many characters do stupid things.:)
 
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