Winter's Past Present

By , Porterville, CA
I don’t want to feel the pain anymore,
I don’t want the time consuming whole in my chest,
I don’t want it to widen with every breath I take without him by my side,
I hate the feeling of missing him,
I don’t want any of him anymore

My head lies on the pillow,
I can’t sleep,
All I can think about is her,
I don’t want to,
But somehow every time I think of something totally diverse from her,
Her face comes back to life in my mind,
I want the feeling of her in my arms,
I want to hear her laughter,
Soft and beautiful music to my ears,
But know that I can’t have any of that anymore,
Never

I despise the winters when I’m alone,
Like a feather in a pile of thorns,
I feel empty,
Numb,
All because of him

I will never forget the winters,
That’s when I first met her,
She was there in the woods, almost frozen to death,
Broken inside and out,
I knew then she was the one I was waiting for,
The person I would love for the rest of my life,
The one and only,
Forever

I cry myself to sleep every night,
I remember how a winter after he found me,
I had the dream where my father died,
When I woke up I knew my father wouldn’t be there,
I wished my love was there,
Just like in the summer,
Where he whispered ever so softly, “I love you,” right before I went into peaceful sleep,
I couldn’t understand how someone so amazing and honest,
Could love someone damaged like me

I can’t take it anymore,
I need her smile,
Her gleaming and understanding golden eyes to look into mine,
I need her and I don’t want to lose her,
I almost lost her once already,
I grab my coat, I let the snowflakes bit at my fingers,
I head up the steps two by two,
My hand moving toward the button

There’s a ring and I dash to the door,
He’s there when I open the door,
Really there,
His green eyes sparkling as he said the three simple words that I needed so much,
As if those words where the bane of my existence

She lay’s a hand so softly of my cheek and says
“I love you too”





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