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More Than Hide and Seek
I am from a never ending nightmare. One that I’ve always wanted to wake up from.
From the hope that i will forget that one. Never ending. Nightmare.
I am from a fourteen year old, pregnant teenager, not ready for a baby.
From a mistake. Never meant to happen.
I am from loss and death.
A five year old, not knowing what was going on,
like a numb brain. Tears everywhere.
I am from a nine year old saying no over and over again.
But it was like nobody could hear me.
Why didn’t he stop?
I am from negative thoughts.
From thinking everything is my fault. I remember,
even to this day, how empty i am and was feeling.
I am from a room that seemed to be getting smaller
and smaller, like it was shrinking.
From everyday since, feeling horrible about myself,
like i wanted to throw up all my feelings but i couldn’t.
I am from losing my innocence.
From deciding to tell my parents or not.
What would they think?! Six years later. Everyone knows! I didn’t want anyone to know.
I am from hoping. Praying! That it wouldn’t happen again. That i wouldn’t have to feel anything like that ever again. Why didn’t god listen? Why didn’t god help me?
Why did he want to hurt me like that?! I remember having the feeling of sadness and disgust.
From it being just a simple game of hide and seek, innocent and fun. To never forgetting the day that ruined my life. That turned me into the negative and insecure person i am today.
I am from not knowing where life is going to take me,
but knowing that anywhere i go in life, that terrible experience will follow me.