Beautiful Disasters

May 9, 2012
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Childhood is tinged with
The taste of popsicles
And the feeling of
Grass beneath your bare feet
Running free
The world hasn’t gotten
To you yet
You haven’t been poisoned
With the controversy
The hate
The imperfection of your own species
All you have
Are blissful summers
And saturday mornings
Full of the background noise
Of cartoons on the TV
And dry cereal in a bowl
In your lap
Your favorite barbie doll
Never more than a few
Feet away from you
We looked at those
Bigger than us
With envy
We desired to be
Like them
To wear makeup
And put on pretty dresses
To dance with prince charming
At the ball

Now you’re older
And Prince Charming
Is turning out to be
A fraud
He danced with you
And made you feel like
You were special
Then he threw you aside
Like you were nothing
And you felt your
Preteen heart shatter
And fall to pieces
On the ground
As Prince Charming
Danced away with
Another girl
And you started
To wonder
If there was something
Wrong with you
Or if anyone else
Will ever look at you
Like he did

You are thirteen
And you’ve just realized
That you’re not okay
With who you are
You pile on
Layers of makeup
And hair products
And expensive clothes
To try to silence
The beast inside you
That tells you
That you’re not
Pretty enough
Skinny enough
Funny enough
Smart enough
Not enough
And you look
At those girls
And in magazines
That seem to
Have it all
And it makes your
Heart ache
To think
That you can’t
Be as perfect
As they are
Unless you starve
Unless you steal
Unless you pile on
Products that hide
Your face
Unless you let
That boy take
Advantage of you
Unless you take
That first sip
That first hit
At a party
Unless you let
The beast
Inside win

You’ve fallen
Into a downward spiral
The little girl
You used to be
Is gone
She has been poisoned
By the cruelty
Of the world
Drugs to numb the pain
Alcohol to help you forget
A razor blade to remind you
Of how disgusting
You really are
Oh Daddy,
If you could only see
Your little girl now
I know that she promised
To you that she wouldn’t
Ever take part in that
And I know that she swore
To you that she would stay
Little and innocent
And she is so sorry
That she has failed you
She’s sorry that she is
A disappointment

I know that
It hurts
And I know that
You think
You’re helping
But you’re just hurting
As the blood runs out
It doesn’t take
The sadness
It makes more
How many
Drunken mistakes
How many
Sleepless nights
How many times
Do you have to
Wake up with a
From falling asleep
Before you realize
That you can’t live
Like this
Will it take
Listening to
Your father crying
At night
The strongest man
You ever knew
The one who
Bandaged your scraped knees
And carried you on
His shoulders
As he watches
You waste away
Into nothing
Is this the example
That you want to set
For your baby sister
She’s so young
So fragile
So perfect
In just a few
Short years
It could be her
Sitting here on this
Bathroom floor
Jamming her fingers
Down her throat
So she can be pretty too
Just put it down
Put down
The blade
Put down
The beer
Put down
The joint
Because you are
So beautiful
When you do

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Padoodallee said...
Oct. 28, 2012 at 10:05 pm
The story all climaxes to the last line, and it's perfect. Keep up the good work.
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