Something's Wrong

April 30, 2012
I’ll never forget that day
They had been telling me there was something wrong with my mind
At times, it never stopped
Others, I had no thoughts or feelings at all
Maybe I just needed some sleep
But there was a constant,
Daunting desire to be dead
To take my own life
But by the end of that day, I was alone
All I wanted was love
But there I was,
Just as alone as I felt
Locked up in a room, frustrated, and frightened
I searched
Under the table read,
“Welcome to Hell”
I continue to search this so-called hell
Under the bed I find something
It feels significant
A pencil
I decide to hold onto it
I’m furious
This place is filthy
I’m not even allowed to call my mother
I go back to my room
In a fit of rage, I rip off the top of the pencil
Squeeze it to a point
Go into the bathroom
And drag it across my thigh
With one pill,
They took away my feelings
But I wanted to feel
Flashbacks running ramped
They tell me I’ve been psychologically
Help me
I’m suffering
I’m hurting myself
I don’t know what else to do
I’m screaming
Help me
I need solace
But here I am,
One week of my life
Lost to depression, disassociation and psychosis
There was something wrong,
Something we knew all along
I’d been acting fine,
But there was something wrong with my mind

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