erasing you from me

May 18, 2012
By , Plano, TX
there is you?
and there is me?
you tower over me
?i stand tall below you?
there is the wall behind me
?there is you in front of me
?blocking every exit
?every way out of this mess
?is already taken
?i can't escape
?i can't even breathe
?you say some sweet things in my ear
?put your arm around me
?tell me everything is alright
?and how much i have wanted this
?you touch me here?you put your hand there
?and i am still standing here
?waiting for it all to go away?
waiting for you to turn away
?and let me go?
but you said no?
i should've not come alone
?i should've had someone with me
?i should've known better
?i should've...everything
i walk by that spot
?i stop and stare?
and wonder what brought you to steal something away from me that was never yours to take?
i wonder what it would be like if you were still here?blocking my way to class
?blocking my way to happiness
?blocking my calmness, turning into anxiety
?i wonder
?i wonder
day by day
?week by week
?month by month
?and now a year
?will it ever be the same??
will i be at a point when i am ok??
am i forever scarred by this??
it was just a kiss
?and a little more ?but it shouldn't scare me like this?
i shouldn't still be scared of the monster i once knew
day in day out
?it hits like a running into a brick wall
?of what you did to me?
of what i let you do to me
?so i guess it is my fault?
once and for all i can admit that?
but why can't i move on?
?why do i shudder when i see your face flash across my memory??
it feels like a dream,?
can it be that and only that?
?can it just fade away?
but once those leaves change
?i am back in that hallway
?back in the chills of october?
watching it unfold all around me?
smothering me of the way you touched me
?the way you "held" me?
once those leaves change again?it is only just a dream?but once a year?
in that month of october
?that dream comes back to life
?taking over me
?as i watch it unfold?
again and?
again and?
again until i can't cry and scream anymore
?until it beings to fade away?
as i slip away from reality
?into sleep?
erasing you from my memory

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