the most honest poem i've ever written

May 17, 2012
I keep a bible by my bed and tell myself
One day, I'll read it.

I'm that jigsaw puzzle your grandmother gives you
That you never really wanted.
I'm a shipwreck you just know will happen, and yet
You're still standing on the shore, waving
Good-bye to your loved ones.

I like rain and you and breathing
And only one of those is optional.
I think horrible things are funny,
and cry when I lose something I thought
I'd have forever.

For what it's worth, I can't
Imagine next year without you
And I've always wanted a friend with ground eyes
'Cause I've spent too long in the sky,
I'm sick of 'flying'.

If I had a god, I'd call her Mom.
She'd live in the ground, and be my best therapist
And she wouldn't just be pretty things, but ugly ones too.

I don't want to be a poet.
I want to be happy.

My name is Grace, though I wish people
Called me Grae,
Because I'm not graceful, and I don't feel amazing,
And I fit much better into the category of
"a little bit of black and white"
Than anything else.

I have ten scars on my stomach and
Too much food on my plate.

I'm not okay.

I am a flower- born pretty and smiling, facing towards
The sun.
Dying with the thought that there has to be more to life
Then this

I'm that jigsaw puzzle you find two years later
That you wonder if you ever managed to solve.

I keep a bible by my bed and tell myself
One day, I'll make my parents proud.

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