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Sixth Period Science Class

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Time is sinking
At the rate
That my eyes droop.

Time is melting
It bubbles
And turns into soup.

I yawn.
It ticks
Slower and slower.

I sneeze.
It picks up
with the sounds of a mower.

Looking up,
My eyes are
Confused.

They meet
The teacher's glare,
Clearly, not amused.



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thatunknownthingThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Feb. 18, 2013 at 3:02 am
totally relatable! i loved the first 4 stanzas, amazingly written! you could better the last 2 ones a bit.  p.s: you are a really encouraging person! thanks for your comments. :)
 
Poetic_Person This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Feb. 18, 2013 at 10:40 am
Thanks for the feedback... I'll work on the last two stanzas.  Hey, your welcome! You're work is amazing... it's hard not to say great things about it. :D
 
siglo15 said...
Jun. 24, 2012 at 8:19 am
I like how you broke up the lines, and I really like your teachers response to your sneeze and your boredom. :) It's really interesting the way you have time melt and sink, so it's not really personified into a person, but it does things most wouldn't think time could do. The only thing I don't understand is the relevance of the sneeze. Maybe you could make that clearer.
 
Poetic_Person This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jun. 24, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Thanks for your comment. I understand what you mean with the sneeze and everything. I guess it would be best to explain my motives like this:

You're in a classroom dozing off because the class is rather boring. You are very close to sleeping all together, when suddenly you sneeze. Anything loud or surprising (such as a sneeze) tends to be very alarming to someone slowing fading away into dreams. You, very alarmed, wake up, but of course are very confused where you are, what you're doin... (more »)

 
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