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Outside

They watch me with empty eyes
Waiting for an emotion to flicker on my face
A giddy grin, or a sad sigh, as I hug my friend beside me
Blink back tears, quickly growing,
It's time to be strong now.
Paste on a brave face, a congratulatory smile,
And step away silently,
Hating their muffed shrieks of delight, and their pitying glances
Thoughts fly through my mind,
My audition replays over and over,
I quickly search and memorize all of my mistakes, all of my short comings,
Cringing at every single wrong step.
A stomach ache hits spot on,
A whole day to face,
Only day one of dwelling
On the outside peeking in.
It is an impenetrable force field,
I have on control of.
My friends understand as well as they possibly can,
Resuming their normal lives,
After pausing only a moment
To catch a glimpse of what I feel.
I fall asleep with teardrops on my pillow
Only day one of living life
On the outside...




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