Trapped in a room of white walls and unhappiness. Invisibly marking numbers on the walls until freedom. Each day seems longer and longer away. To dream of a place called 'the beach' seems like it's never going to happen. Hiding my true emotions and feelings because no seems to care. 16 at war with life, wondering when does the war stop. Feeling of being a door mat with no voice. Just being stepped on, over and over and over again. To know your different from other teenagers but no reward. Not rememebering what a smile looks like. Holding back tears and crying to sleep. Looking at pill bottles and wondering how many until I die? When does this stop? Unprepared for life because i never witnessed it. to be punished for being happy but never knew what do the sky truly looks like. Surrounded by darkness because the light never comes. To be hurt so many times never knew if someone is here to stay. Feeling jealous or envy others who knows what time light turns into dark. instead i'm just watching the white walls rotten. The feeling of pain seems like it's the only feeling i have. Tattoos and cuts are my bestfriends. Looking out the windows and seeing all those smiling faces and wishing that was you. It's just my luck that my home is unhappiness and happiness is too far from home.
April 24, 2012