Expectations of Mother

April 16, 2012
By Jonzie12 GOLD, Kahoka, Missouri
Jonzie12 GOLD, Kahoka, Missouri
12 articles 0 photos 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I want to stand as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all the kinds of things you can't see from the center."

-Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

So many demons. So many vices. So little reason to be good.

Expectations of Mother is what killed me. I was never tall enough, strong enough; my hair always too curly, always a mess. My grades to low, myself too high. Metaphorically, high is close to Heaven. Quite the opposite. It puts you a stone’s throw from Hell.

Hell is hot, consuming. My soul is gasoline; it takes but a spark to ignite me. Fire-like temper, high with aggression. I hated the world, hated the people, but most of all Mother.

She killed me, you know. Her expectations gave me the gun. Her gaze, disappointed and demeaning, put the gun to my head. But it was her love, too much to take, that pulled the trigger.

The author's comments:
Thankfully, nothing in my life inspired this piece. Actually, I overheard a conversation about a similar suicide; that's where the idea came from. However, I still think it's interesting that love and hate can be so intertwined, and we all know the ones we love the most can hurt us the deepest.

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