I threw the necklace you gave me against the wall, I'm trying to hide my tears from the world. I want to cut off the head of that damn bear you gave me. And every duck and bear remind me of you. I want to stay in my room and never leave. I want you to say you didn't mean it. I feel so used, I feel abandoned. You said you loved me, You told me to open up. I was scared, but I did it. I was terrified, but I took your hand. I'm listening to Three Days Grace and Adele. I want to tell myself it's okay. But the truth is that I want to kill myself. But I don't because I have hope you'll come back. I'll overdose, I'll hang myself, I have to do something about the pain. I want to punch a wall so the heartache will fade away. I have no one thanks to you, I'm alone and have no one to turn you. I left my friends for you, You're all I wanted. But now you're gone, And I'm scared to death. I swear, you were the one. What went wrong, I can change. I know I'm hard to handle, I'm depressed. I thought you understood, you said you did. You were my only hope at happiness. Now I'm dead again. We were going to get married, remember? I was going to run away and follow you to university. We were going to move to Colorado. We were going to have a child in our thirties and name her Roanoke. You said I was as beautiful as the Disney princesses I idolize so much. You said I was your princess. My only dream was to be married. I wanted a happy ending. I thought I was finally going to have that. You were the only person, The only one who gave me the time of day. You saw something in me, Something no one else saw. Not even me. It hurts to breathe, I'm trembling so much I can barely write. I'll never find love. You were the only foolish one, But eventually caught on. I knew it would happen. But if I knew, Why does it hurt so much? Why is it a shock to me? For a moment I believed, That what we had would last. I let my guard down. It's my fault.
Unhappily Ever After
April 16, 2012