Feel like like each day is a year, each hour a day. Some long for eternal life, I can imagine nothing worse. Having to bare the incessant repetitive voice in my head, the voice that never lets me be. The voice I've grown to hate, causes despair I can no longer take. I find little interest in social interactions, be it with others or with myself. The only optimism I feel is that when I go to sleep, thinking it will be different when I wake. It never is, I live a constant cycle, the same mundane life, the same depressing thoughts. I start to hate, hate them hate me, hate waking up and looking myself in the face, hate faking a smile, hate bearing a frown. How can I live, a life so full of hate. How can I make this cycle break, how can I stop the voice that keeps me awake. How can I love a life with no hope, how can I learn to cope. How could there be something above, something so cruel to let me live a life without love.
Questions eat you alive.
April 26, 2012