I'm sorry.

April 29, 2012
By DaniIrwin BRONZE, Kenmore, Washington
DaniIrwin BRONZE, Kenmore, Washington
2 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
The only way out of the labryinth is straight & fast.


It was like… having a primrose replaced by a thornbush.

Thick needles, like knives, piercing through the insides of my thighs

& up through my stomach.

Into my throught and through my figertips. Pain.

Sharp and Sweet, not Short though.

No matter how hard I scratched, I screamed I could never get out of the thorns.

So dense under my skin.

Like a rose, I died in Winter.

Without you, my dear sun I did not have a purpose for living.

How tragic.

& how awful for you to leave me, to let me die in the cold, dark snow.

But you came back, after realizing the other flower’s beds weren’t as good as mine was.

So I bloomed, and blossomed like a bride on her wedding day.

But you left. Again. The brutality, the cruel sun you are.

But how can I blame you?

It’s not us but the monsters sending out Carbon into the atmosphere.

It makes you angry. Hot. Like the passion you and I once had.

But another Spring came. Without you I bloomed for another sun and you wanted me back.

I grew up, Blake. I’m sorry. I don’t believe in your fairytale any longer.

I am a princess in a new story and you are a deranged soul that’s seems to be putting excess carbon into your own atmosphere.

You’re toxic to me. I’m sorry, but I am not letting you hypnotize me once again.

I don’t want to be a poltergiest any longer. I want to live and love without always waiting for you to come back to me.

I am not your giving tree anymore. I’m sorry.

I found someone else that will actually water my deep roots, and let me keep my branches.

I love you though. I love your abuse and poisenous words. you will always be my bright sun, but I have to move on.

I’m sorry.



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This article has 3 comments.


on May. 7 2012 at 6:10 pm
Helena_Noel BRONZE, Burnt Hills, New York
1 article 0 photos 629 comments

Favorite Quote:
“I'd rather see a sermon than hear one any day; I'd rather one should walk with me than merely tell the way: The eye's a better pupil and more willing than the ear, fine counsel is confusing, but example's always clear.” -Edgar Guest

It is very interesting. I liked the metaphors of roses and angry suns and even the Carbon referance. I liked the idea of it, but I think it was a little forced. I don't belive in man-made Climate Change, but it would have been good anyway had it been introduced better. After all, people use dragons in poetry, and those are MUCH more unbelievable! It is a familiar concept to everybody and was a good metaphor for people or circumstances causing a dramatic change, like the end of a relationship often can be. In the beginning the lines seemed a little short and choppy, pardon my saying; and toward the end they were oddly long: The inconsistancy of this, I think, threw off the flow. But I can't help but appreciate the feeling behind it, and you did a very good job drawing the readers into the speaker's romantic, emotional turmoil. Over all, you did a pretty good job. I gave it three stars, and would be glad to see some more of your work.

 

I wonder, would you take a look at some of mine?


on May. 7 2012 at 6:10 pm
Helena_Noel BRONZE, Burnt Hills, New York
1 article 0 photos 629 comments

Favorite Quote:
“I'd rather see a sermon than hear one any day; I'd rather one should walk with me than merely tell the way: The eye's a better pupil and more willing than the ear, fine counsel is confusing, but example's always clear.” -Edgar Guest

It is very interesting. I liked the metaphors of roses and angry suns and even the Carbon referance. I liked the idea of it, but I think it was a little forced. I don't belive in man-made Climate Change, but it would have been good anyway had it been introduced better. After all, people use dragons in poetry, and those are MUCH more unbelievable! It is a familiar concept to everybody and was a good metaphor for people or circumstances causing a dramatic change, like the end of a relationship often can be. In the beginning the lines seemed a little short and choppy, pardon my saying; and toward the end they were oddly long: The inconsistancy of this, I think, threw off the flow. But I can't help but appreciate the feeling behind it, and you did a very good job drawing the readers into the speaker's romantic, emotional turmoil. Over all, you did a pretty good job. I gave it three stars, and would be glad to see some more of your work.

 

I wonder, would you take a look at some of mine?


on May. 7 2012 at 9:00 am
SuNshiNe007 ELITE, Magee Ms., Mississippi
120 articles 0 photos 348 comments

Favorite Quote:
Never Give Up, And Know That God Will Always Love You!

Wow, I can relate to this. I know how it feels to tell someone you have to move on. You did an amazing job on this! Keep up the great work!


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