Shadow

April 24, 2012
By futurenovelista SILVER, Staatsburg, New York
futurenovelista SILVER, Staatsburg, New York
8 articles 0 photos 64 comments

Favorite Quote:
"But I being poor have only my dreams...I place my dreams at your feet. Tread softly for you tread on my dreams." -Yeats


Bitter kiss lingers in my mouth, on my lips. The digging of your fingernails pierce my skin, drawing cold blood from underneath.
Cause that’s how you’ve left me. Cold and in your shadow.
Nobody knows about us and I guess they never will.
Would you ever tell them? Of course not.
So I’ll wait.
In a hidden corner, behind thick fog that blinds the eyes.
I’m at your will, desperately in love with you,
even though you don’t exist outside my world.
Outside this shadow…
…that you refuse to shed light on.
Unwilling to uncover the truth that is me.
Why are you ashamed of me?
After all your raspy calls of affection…
…the touching and holding…
…the sour, twisted kisses?
Like the one bestowed on my lips now?
You’re trapped in this darkness,
surrounded by the thick walls of broken promises,
and the lies you’ve fed me.
Love doesn’t really exist here anymore,
in this deep never-ending trench you’ve thrown us in.
I’m sorry you’re ashamed.
I’m sorry you have to hide.
But most of all,
I’m sorry that I’ve made you afraid of your own shadow.


The author's comments:
I was inspired to right this piece after another one of my terribly relationships. I'm not much of a poet so, PLEASE go easy on me!

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This article has 3 comments.


DanielM SILVER said...
on May. 19 2012 at 8:51 pm
DanielM SILVER, Kent, Washington
6 articles 1 photo 247 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I would rather hated million times for what i did then loved a million times for what i didn't do." - Daniel Moto
" I've sought out to be the best i could posibly be but when i hit a roadblock in life what did i do, i had two choices either stay at the roadblock or i take this roadblock and make of it and go around it and achieve my goal. So, what will it be?"- Daniel Mathia

"People take love like its a four letter word or just a phrase that you tell people or your friends all the time. But in reality love is much bigger than a merely phrase or 4 letter word. Instead love is a genuine promise or covenant to that special person."-Daniel Mathia

“Why change yourself when you were made perfect and wonderfully by the creator of everything?” – Daniel Mathia

“If live is not hurtin then were really not living in.” – B. Reith

That was good. Maybe elaborate more on what this person did. Other then that I'm speechless.

Lacer GOLD said...
on May. 16 2012 at 6:42 pm
Lacer GOLD, Highland Village, Texas
19 articles 0 photos 74 comments

Favorite Quote:
The thing about philosophy is that it often runs dry when thought of so shallowly.

You say you're new, so let me tell you what you did right specifically;

You kept up first person, and with first person, you used vocabulary and metaphorical imagery that can only be done in a first person format to create your character. For example, you open with a metaphor, and the reader assumes it's action. That's where you twist it up, and tell the reader straight out, in the same cold dark voice that described the metaphor, that what they thought was action was the character's interpretation of action, which can only be done in first person.

The best thing here is that unlike so many other poets I've seen, you keep up your attitude, it doesn't change to apply the sarcasm some teens think makes their characters more "real", but instead makes the reading an awkward dialouge. Your sarcasm is just as cold and dark as your theme, and perfect.

Your voice is consuming, I hear the character, and know who it is that's speaking, and everything that happened to them. You're not too vague to be frustrating, you're not too descriptive; you are at that powerful medium.


Lacer GOLD said...
on May. 16 2012 at 6:38 pm
Lacer GOLD, Highland Village, Texas
19 articles 0 photos 74 comments

Favorite Quote:
The thing about philosophy is that it often runs dry when thought of so shallowly.

You have great first person usage. That is your most powerful strength, keep using it. Your purpose is obvious, your story is good, and your character is not only real, but interesting. Your metaphors are perfect, your vocabulary usage and twists are perfect, your poem, is perfect to me, and I think of myself as VERY critical.

Excellent job.



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