Number 1 UNwanted | Teen Ink

Number 1 UNwanted

April 24, 2012
By Under-the-Rain GOLD, Chicago, Illinois
Under-the-Rain GOLD, Chicago, Illinois
18 articles 5 photos 100 comments

Favorite Quote:
Are you ready to go to battle with your mind?- Written by me :)
Lost the battle, win the war//Bringing my sinking ship back to the shore- Paramore, Now


They say that
everyone has a soul mate.
Where are you?
Are you undergoing this pain too?
Find me,
I’ll find you.
I haven’t met you yet.
Will I ever?
I’ll find you,
Find me,
Please I can’t take this anymore.

Here I’ll tell you
where to find me:
In the dark,
In my castle of mirrors
At the edge.
Please find me,
I need you,
Find me,
I’ll find you.

Do not worry about me
being at the edge,
I can’t die.
I am the Number 1 Unwanted.

WAIT! Does that mean…
I don’t even have a soul mate?


The author's comments:
The character has gone through so much pain: betrayal, lied to, and heartbreak, which she hopes that their is someone out their in the world: light or darkness, that really cares about her, believes in her, but when she says that she is the Number 1 UNwanted, it makes she think does she EVEN have a soul mate.

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This article has 3 comments.


InkWriter13 said...
on Jun. 22 2012 at 7:05 pm
I loved the beginning and middle, but I think you could have done more on the ending. Go more insightful. Bring out the writer within you more. Loved the switch of I'll find you, find me. Nice touch. Great work. Just work on ending.

KylieK GOLD said...
on Jun. 14 2012 at 10:45 pm
KylieK GOLD, Mt. Washington, Kentucky
11 articles 0 photos 270 comments

Favorite Quote:
"To love is to surpass one's self."

Also, author's notes are nice if they're short, and explain what inspired you to write the piece- not to tell the reader what it's about before they've even guessed. That's why it's poetry- it's a literal, slightly suspensful work of art. The reader should have to think a little.

 

Also, your usage of "their" is incorrect.


KylieK GOLD said...
on Jun. 14 2012 at 8:48 am
KylieK GOLD, Mt. Washington, Kentucky
11 articles 0 photos 270 comments

Favorite Quote:
"To love is to surpass one's self."

I like this. Maybe you shouldn't say, "Please I can't take this anymore." The reader knows the character can't. If you remove that, it will help the flow.

 

On the other hand, I am in LOVE with the idea of "number 1 unwanted."

 

Way to go!



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