Haunted | Teen Ink

Haunted

April 12, 2012
By IAmWhoIWantToBe PLATINUM, Manila, Other
IAmWhoIWantToBe PLATINUM, Manila, Other
41 articles 0 photos 650 comments

Favorite Quote:
‎"I’m learning how to drown out the constant noise that is such an inseparable part of my life. I don’t have to prove anything to anyone. I only have to follow my heart and concentrate on what I want to say to the world: I run my world." - Beyoncé


My spine stiffens,
My hair rises,
My body shivers,
As the monsters embrace me,
Trapping me in arms
That feel as cold as winter.

I tried to pulled myself away,
But invisible fingers
Closed around my limbs
And dragged me down the abyss,
Into that terrifyingly inescapable,
And endless darkness.


The author's comments:
It's about something I fear about, a thought that just comes into my mind to scare and no matter how much I try to get it out of my mind, it wins.

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This article has 6 comments.


Mckay ELITE said...
on Jul. 3 2013 at 2:55 pm
Mckay ELITE, Somewhere, Virginia
146 articles 0 photos 2260 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do."
—Apple’s “Think Different” commercial, 1997
“Crazy people are considered mad by the rest of the society only because their intelligence isn't understood.”
― Weihui Zhou

I like this. A couple of things. I hate to sound all picky. Just that I wish you would develop the thought more. Like what is this fear. Maybe you don't have to be upfront about it. But like with your metaphors and imagery you could like imply it. Just a thought. Also I noticed that the verb tense changed from the first stanza then to the next. I know that makes me sound like a b*tch or a snob or both.But just thought I'd point it out. Otherwise, I think it's fantastic. It has an eerie feel to it. Like what is this thing. It has the reader on the edge of his/her seat wondering what can this thing be. Well done. 

on Jun. 25 2012 at 2:00 pm
HeatherOlivia GOLD, Solothurn, Other
16 articles 0 photos 86 comments

Favorite Quote:
"All things truly wicked start from innocence." - Ernest Hemingway

This is written so well. It's so to the point and gripping, like a thriller novel that you just can't put down.

teamo14 BRONZE said...
on May. 12 2012 at 11:31 am
teamo14 BRONZE, Paris, Other
1 article 0 photos 49 comments
really interesting. :)

on May. 10 2012 at 10:10 pm
InfinityandBeyond01 BRONZE, N/a, California
4 articles 0 photos 68 comments

Favorite Quote:
Stay Strong! <3

Pretty good! You made your fear into beautiful written words! I don't mean to advertise but can you check my work out too? Thanks!

on Apr. 30 2012 at 6:33 am
snowleopard100 PLATINUM, New York City, New York
33 articles 1 photo 80 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, but I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference."

I didn't quite understand the poem by the side note cleared it up. In saying that, I love your inspiration for this poem and the use of line breaks to augment the strength of it.

on Apr. 28 2012 at 9:08 am
TheCapturedBat GOLD, Belen, New Mexico
12 articles 0 photos 88 comments

Favorite Quote:
If all else perished and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger.
-- Emily Bronte, Wuthering Heights

this is so immediate and intense it is hard to read. it is so beautifully written.


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