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Mom.....

By , East Meadow, NY
Most times when people write a mom poem it’s a happy loving one…
But I’m not normal… I’m bipolar… according to her…. You.
Sometimes… I just don’t know…how to feel, what to think… anything
You… I don’t know how to handle you.
When you ask if I love you… I always say… of course…
Starting to question it.
Why can’t you be what I need you to be…
A friend…. A source of love… refuge… safety… a mom.
Why can’t you love me…
Hold me
Protect me
Make me feel safe…
I don’t even know you any more…. And the worst part is… I don’t know me.
You’re supposed to be my rock. My foundation. The safest place for me to go….
But you’re not.
You’re a mine field… and every single time I try to talk to you.. I feel like I step on an explosive.
I just want to be good enough for you.
For you to tell me I am…
For you to just love and accept me for who I am…
What I am.
What I’m not.
And stop telling me it’s not good enough.
I wish you could feel how hard it is.
Hear all the questions I ask myself.
Why aren’t I good enough…..
Smart enough…..
Pretty enough….
Skinny enough….
For….
For you.
I’m sorry I’m not the dream daughter you imagined those nine months I was in your belly.
I’m sorry I’m a gift straight from hell.
Sorry I’m the devil
Sorry I’m such a b****…. Which you told me when I was only 6.
Sorry I don’t show enough love.
You don’t understand me
When I try to explain it to you….
You don’t understand.
It’s all my fault
Right?
I’m a piece of garbage.
Or at least that how you make me feel.
I should go now. …
Bye Mom.





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