Should Have, Could Have, Would Have

April 17, 2012
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I should forgive you;
You’re my unwanted father.
My walk, my hair, my eyes,
They are all yours.
My rage and my problems,
They are yours, too.
Why should I forgive you,
When all you created was a mess like you?

I could forgive you;
You were not always like this.
You once acted as if you cared and treated me with love,
And I loved you then and even admired you.
Your apologies were like water as you showered me with them,
Washing away the grit.
I could forgive you,
But also like water your apologies ran through my fingers and disappeared.

I would forgive you;
But you made my life a misery.
My resentment for you grew with every WHACK of your hand.
Instead of smiles you gave me scars,
Ruining my childhood and now my life.
I would forgive you,
If you were not the sack of stones I must carry.
A sack I’m tired of carrying.

I should forgive you,
I could forgive you,
I would forgive you,
But that’s not enough, is it?
How can I love when all you taught me was hate?
How can I be myself when I’m so much like you?
And how can I forgive you when I hate you?

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