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I Was a Supernova

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These are the girls I want to be
These are the girls I am not.
I want to be
I am not
pounds in brain
It hurts
It hurts
If I am not worthless
why dose it feel like
like
like the world just doesn’t want me
If I am ok
why dose it feel like I’m carrying the weight
the crushing breaking hurting weight
of everything
everything
I wish I was
I was not
It feels like
like
like I was just a star a star so far far away
light years
that my glimmer has gone out
a long time ago
but
no one got around to noticing
please
please
please
I need you to notice.





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This article has 9 comments. Post your own now!

TheWeirdPoet said...
May 10, 2012 at 9:59 pm
You did a very well job keeping the emotion going. It seems to be a very personal poem which i'm guessing is why you were able to so accurately present the emotion and attitude a person would have in such conflict. Bravo 
 
Josika.Nav said...
May 10, 2012 at 5:14 am
hey! nice one! i like the whole idea , theme and flow of the poem. i did get a little confused though....but judging from the other comments...that's probably just me :P. great work and keep writing :D
 
AgentOrange789 said...
May 9, 2012 at 9:14 pm
I actually like that repetition a lot, I think it adds a sort of realism, in that it reflects how we really talk when we're trying to put a finger on our emotions.  Very nice job!
 
Gypsyroses replied...
May 10, 2012 at 3:45 pm
thank you! Thats what I was going for.
 
Gypsyroses replied...
May 10, 2012 at 3:45 pm
thank you! Thats what I was going for.
 
Rafa S. said...
May 9, 2012 at 3:42 pm
This poem was beautiful! I love the emotion that flowed through the poem. It was a bit confusing, though. Maybe, you can divide your poem into stanzas and get rid of some of the repeated words. Other than that, the poem as a whole is amazing! I loved it! Great job!=)
 
Behind_a_Plastic_Smile said...
May 7, 2012 at 6:20 pm
wow wat a created and well written format it make the whole flow forward that takes some serious skill
 
XMusicallyAd3ptx said...
May 5, 2012 at 10:41 am

Here you go!:

I like the message this carries. I also like how it reads like song lyrics! The only thing that needs work is some grammar, and a few confusing lines. Try to maintain a consistent voice and flow.

 
Kailey.Nicole said...
May 5, 2012 at 10:01 am
I love how youe poems don't rhyme but they still have rhythm and flow . It was a beautiful poem , Great job !!
 
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