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I held my breath as silver beads flowed down my rosy cheeks.
"I'm so sorry" I whispered between hysterical waves of sorrow.
I was pressing a thick piece of gauze to my pale arm.
But crimson tears started to slowly trail down the edges and I was beginning to feel a tingle.
I wasn't sure if I was apologizing to you or myself.
I just knew that I was sorry.
But then you said something.
Only three words.
Each one like a knife that slowly and painfully cut through my soul:
You sounded so numb when you’d said it though.
you looked so...
Everything happened so fast.
it was just the two of us in that small white room.
A tired look in your eyes reveled itself as you let out sigh.
How could I have done such a thing?
No mother ever wants to see her daughter like that.
I remember thinking that everything I did was for everyone else,
And that the world would be a much better place with one less screw up.
But now I see that it had all been so completely selfish.
I had done anything and everything I wanted without considering what it would do to the people around me.
That was three years ago.
Today I still think about that night.
Where would I be now if I put the shears down?
If I had just talked to you about what was on my mind,
would all that is now still be the same?
Nothing would be the same.
We wouldn’t be so distant.
I wouldn’t feel so guilty.
And I wouldn’t have been holding my breath as silver beads flowed down my rosy cheeks.