Pain, real pain

April 5, 2012
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Our marriage was once beautiful
The marriage of the “Jonesess”
Gradually I have gotten bigger and bigger
And you seem not to love me anymore
You look at me with complete disgust

One Saturday I picked up a pink set
Of lingerie, that night I put it on
For you, hoping that you would like it
I came into the bedroom with it on

And you laughed at me
You laughed, saying “girl you look
Like the cow that jumped over
Over the moon
Turn off the light, will you, you’re glowing.”
You started to laugh some more

I felt so bad, my once high bar of hope
Had been shot down like soaring quail
I had now jumped into a pit of gloom
And self-hatred because of you
My chest is sore, my heart has cracked,
Cement on construction day

So I cry, wishing that I could die
Feeling very hurt because you left my head in
The dirt
I’m naked without a shirt but damn you
I still see your smirk
Like an evil hen has pecked away at
My vulnerable skin

I hate the situation I’m in
This pain is everlasting
I wish it was fasting
Not eating my soul
I’m losing control because this has taken a toll
On me

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