Magazine, website & books written by teens since 1989

Eating Away this Love

You see the cheese cracker in your hand before its consumed. Each bite i take its for you. The hurt knowing you and i will never be the same i cant contain so i try to eat it away. Each bite and chew is the love i once had for you but as i eat away the feelings for you are the same. I eat and eat and gain and gain but each time my heart continues to aches. So explain to me what am i going to do. Sooner or later my heart going to burst with all these feeling i have for you??



Join the Discussion


This article has 6 comments. Post your own!

IndiewriterThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jan. 19, 2013 at 3:03 pm:
This is by far my favorite poems of yours! It has a really nice pattern and rythm. It flows really well!  You should definately write more poems like this one. --indiewriter
 
RandomPoetThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jan. 19, 2013 at 6:51 pm :
Thank you this is one of my favorites as well. I just happen to be eating cheese crakers wishing that my crush would notice me when i came up with it. I got over him luckly. But im not going to lie im glad i crushed on this guy most of my best work came out it :)
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
XweienX said...
Jan. 16, 2013 at 3:40 am:
Great meaning overall. What I would suggest is adding commas where needed or split the poem into lines.
Eg.
Each bite and chew
is the love i once had for you,
but as i eat away,
the feelings for you are same.

Also, i think there is a grammar mistake in the last sentence, "Sooner or later my heart (is) going to burst..."

Still, great job on the poem! :)
 
RandomPoetThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jan. 16, 2013 at 9:20 pm :
Thank you. Espically for the advice about the commas and the is. But when i wrote it at the time i was wasnt thinking is i was thing going so after reading it and adding the is it made more sense. :)
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Rocker_Girl_SilentChaos said...
Jul. 7, 2012 at 8:23 pm:
Your writing is really good, you should keep writing :D
 
RandomPoetThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Dec. 12, 2012 at 10:14 am :
Thank you :)
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Site Feedback