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Your Morning Star

You called me your son
The son of the morning
You gave me everything I had
The beauty, the power
The prestige
I was everything
And yet you never bid me
Use it.
Why? Father, why?
Father of Heaven whom I loved
Your son cries out to you
Lost, alone
Why, father, why did you
Cast me out?
Was it because I asked questions?
Because I could not keep my tongue
As they say
Between my teeth?
So you sharpened my teeth
And forked my tongue
And now it slithers on its own
I have no control
And every word is poison
Every wish a curse
Scorned, defiled
Rejected
Is this how you wanted me to be?
In your great predestination
Was this where I ended up?
I erred, father
I erred
And you cannot forgive
Great, merciful, powerful God
Who loves so much
Cannot forgive He
Whom he did love most.
Or did you ever love me?
Was your beautiful morning star
Only a too in the ineffable plan?
Hurt, betrayal
Loss
Beyond all description
To be swept out of Heaven
By the very hand that sustained you!
To be a prisoner, tormented
By shackles of my own making
Looped in excess around my hands
A most unnecessary precaution
I would never have left you
But you abandoned me
Cast me out, a used doll
A child’s thing
Ragged and broken
And then I fell
And fell, and fell
Swallowed by darkness
A secret hell
And now I no longer seek
Your favor
This beggar’s child
This prodigal son
Does not grovel in the mud
In the trenches
In the dust, the grime, the dirt
I don’t want
Crusts of bread from your table
I will find meat of my own
Whether it be worms or serpents
Or human flesh
I will devour souls
I will fill the void you left
The dark cavity of my being
The hunger that consumes me
The thirst that claws
At my throat will be slaked
By the blood of
Your innocents.
Look at what you have
Unleashed.
But maybe this was planned
Divine power, divine rage
Divine love
The memory of you forever
Pressed indelibly into my brain
A nail driven into my skull
I can’t forget you
No matter how hard I try
It is the hatred for my love that
Tears me asunder.
And you can try anything
Lock me away for years
One thousand
Ten thousand
But I will never be
From your sight.
Omnipotence is your curse
Loving you is mine
Forever, our fate is
Intertwined
Locked, tusk to tusk
For all eternity
Your morning star
Cannot lose his light.



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