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Toxic Love

She wakes up and stumbles over scraps of torn up photographs,
broken glass, and shreds of lost love letters, over to the mirror.

The first thing she notices is the smeared mascara rushing down
the sides of her darkened face. She faces the clock, 3:35. It was
the middle of the night.

She tugs out a shriveled up jacket from her dresser and heads
into the breezy autumn night, slipping away silently.

The moist dew of the morning grass trickles through her toes.
The mist of autumn rain brings her to a sudden moment of peace,
as she stands quietly, back to the wind, and remembers.

She brings her mind back to the night before, what had happened.
She remembers her ears ringing, who had once been her true love
screaming out at her to never speak to him again.

She remembers the emptiness she'd felt when he walked away from her,
leaving her laying on the ground with a shattered heart and bulgy
tears pouring out from swollen eyes and her choking for air.

She remembers begging him not to leave, clinging onto his shoulder.
He was her only hope, he was all she had.
She remembers him telling her she'd be better off dead and that he never wanted
to see her again.

She remembers the painful, throbbing walk home, dragging her feet ever
so slowly, sobbing so loudly it was like a murderous scream.

She remembers being so puzzled by what she had ever done to him.
She had given him so much love and cared for him so much and he had
taken all of it and pushed it away, carelessly and cruel.

She remembers the first time they met, one year ago.
How he had told her she was special, that he would be the one to always take care of her.

She remembers last week, asking him why he’d been keeping such an open distance.
How he’d never told her his reason, but just walked away.
She remembers going home that night, eyes teary and puffy, blaming herself for the sudden change
in him, if only she knew what she had done wrong.

Now, she is reminded of how lonely she is. Of how she’d never be able to
love nor trust anyone so easily ever again.
She is reminded of how unhappy he was being with her.
She is reminded of all the lies that had slid past his lips, of how she had believed
every word of it.

She remembers her attempt of suicide, but the rope had broken.
He had left her with no answers, no reasoning for this sharp coldness of the heart.
She remembers those words he’d used to speak to her, "I love you"
She just never knew how toxic those words would taste being thrown back at her.



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