Retelling the untold story of my childhood.
Rewinding the despicable memories that withdraw me
from fully happiness.

To me when I was little peace meant war,
joy meant agony, because it didn't last long.
As my thoughts took me back,
back to the time where
I would sell cassava leaves
and pounded maize just to
help me family.
I wondered where would I get the money
to buy medicine for both my beloved mother
and little brother
while they were diagnosed with tuberculosis.

I never had a voice to speak out loud with,
but I knew
that I had to get my head out of the clouds
and make a move.
My voice was sucked in by my pain.
I'm rewinding my memories.
Back to the time where my dreams
were filled with nothing,
but
dust and less hope.
Where I wonder when the landlord will kick
my family out of that house with only one bedroom.
It's all gone, but still engraved on my heart.

I remember when mom told me to smile
because all this suffering aren't for us.
'Smile dear, smile.
Fill the whole house with laughs,
even if there's nothing to rejoice about.'
I would lay close to my little brother's sick bed,
waiting for God to take his breath anytime.
To the time where I thought that God didn't love me
or my family, till it took my to the point where I
began to deny my savior. Back to the time when,
instead tears
of joy falling down my face, tears of pain did.
How I wish
I could save all those tears that flowed
like rivers so my pain can drown in them.
Life is like and endless movies,
with sweet and sour
parts. A little fast forward to the
sweeter part can be the best.