Metal Locket

March 28, 2012
BalladOfMonaLisa PLATINUM, Na, Other
24 articles 0 photos 65 comments

Favorite Quote:
To love and to be loved; to hurt and to be hurt. These are the ideals that make up humanity. ~Me (Lisa)


I keep a locket,
That is shaped like a heart,
No picture inside,
Just some wispy memories.

It reminds me of you,
So beautiful and intricate,
Complex but also simple,
Yet you are cold and hard as stone.

You are like the chain,
Shining as my accessory,
Yet when no one is watching,
You pull it tight and choke me.

Now I am cold and silent,
Beautiful even in death,
So they say,
Yet I feel nothing.

So when they ask about it,
I know you will lie anyway,
But at least tell them that,
I didn't want to stay.



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This article has 7 comments.


on Jun. 28 2013 at 8:46 pm
Laugh-it-Out PLATINUM, Brooklyn, New York, New York
38 articles 0 photos 445 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light" --Dylan Thomas

You have a lot of really good memories that help us see the person and the locket you are talking about., but i feel that if you showed more instead of told the reader how this person is like the locket, i feel that our already fantastic writing could be even better. :)

on Jun. 27 2013 at 8:43 pm
dbk1098 PLATINUM, Rockville, Maryland
20 articles 0 photos 41 comments
This is sooooo beautiful. I love the idea!!! The locket is a great poem starter! Hope that makes sense!

on Jun. 27 2013 at 12:31 am
Jade.I.Am ELITE, Fishers, Indiana
214 articles 14 photos 1163 comments

Favorite Quote:
“If you're losing your soul and you know it, then you've still got a soul left to lose”
― Charles Bukowski

This was really beautiful! My only criticism is that u said "yet" a lot.

on Jun. 26 2013 at 11:58 pm
BalladOfMonaLisa PLATINUM, Na, Other
24 articles 0 photos 65 comments

Favorite Quote:
To love and to be loved; to hurt and to be hurt. These are the ideals that make up humanity. ~Me (Lisa)

Thanks! It all comes from my heart, so it is very emotional :)

on Jun. 26 2013 at 11:52 pm
artist-today SILVER, Alberta, Other
6 articles 0 photos 14 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Don't argue with an idiot they will bring you down to their level and beat you with experience."
-Mark Twain

I love the emotion and how you wrote it, it has great imagery and a good voice.

on Jun. 26 2013 at 8:47 pm
BalladOfMonaLisa PLATINUM, Na, Other
24 articles 0 photos 65 comments

Favorite Quote:
To love and to be loved; to hurt and to be hurt. These are the ideals that make up humanity. ~Me (Lisa)

Thanks for the feedback! Do you have any suggestions of how I can improve my work?

on Jun. 26 2013 at 8:45 pm
Laugh-it-Out PLATINUM, Brooklyn, New York, New York
38 articles 0 photos 445 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light" --Dylan Thomas

This is really good and I can tell that the emoion in here is real! So great job, very relatable and I think what I most enjoy about your work is that we both write with simialr styles and it makes it easy to relate. Great Job! Anyway, thats all, off to read more of your work. Keep rockin new soul  


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